Heavy Heart Empty Mouth

I've got a heavy heart this morning, and a mouth void of words.  It's weird when that happens, your soul is so overwhelmed with emotions, that when you attempt to put words to them but nothing is there. So I'm sitting staring at a blinking cursor and wondering...maybe this post is just healing for me, maybe it will speak to your soul too....only the Lord knows.

Lately I find myself telling hurting friends the same thing, 

"I have no words."


It's not intelligent, they aren't going to be transformed by some super spiritual epiphany I'm imparting their way with that phrase.  But I am being real.   I'm letting them know their hurts are very real, their struggle is intense, and it's burdened my soul immensely...and I've got nothing.  No wise word, no true word, no trustworthy word....I have no words.   But, my God does.  His words stands firm.  It is truth.  It is powerful, living and active and will accomplish what is sent forth to accomplish.  I can not tell you the amount of tears that have poured from my eyes in prayer on behalf of friends, family and even complete strangers.  But God does.

In my youth, I remember wondering why older Christians seemed so joy-less.  I remember looking around and thinking "I won't be like that when I'm their age....no way...to much to be joyful about just because of who my God is."

Perspective sure does change over the years doesn't it?  Grace abounds for the sinner and if we are vigilant, and keep our hearts in His word, we are grounded in truth and not consumed by lies.  We are set free as Galatians 5:1 tells us because it "was for freedom that Christ set us free."  What a marvelous truth.


I mentioned yesterday that my family is going through a trial right now.  We are in the midst of something that has already been life changing.  We may be out of the ordinary, but often as we navigate through situations in life we ask the Lord, "What do we need to learn from this? How should we be changed because of this?"

Well, one of the things the Lord has been speaking to my heart is that it is absolutely  okay to not have words in any given situation.

You know, there are enough hardships and hurts in the world without hurtful words being heaped on one another during tough situations.  Sometimes, you may think you are encouraging others, but you aren't...surely it's best to pray over every word you speak especially to the hurting. 

The accusations, the judgements, and the holier than thou comments condemning the ones in the midst of the pain are just sometimes too much.  The ones hurting often may smile and laugh, but the very last thing we need to be as believers are others full of judgements attempting to have just the perfect 'spiritual words' for a friend.

S.  T.  O.  P.

 Just be real and ask yourself, what would I want from them if the situation were reversed?  I would go so far as to say, I guarantee all we really want is prayer.  God moves, acts, provides and guides.

I know personally, when I actually confide a hurt in a friend, I just want to know they will faithfully pray.  That's all.  I've got three tried and true friends that I know put my family and I before the Lord with no judgement, no ulterior motives....they just love God and because they love God they love my family and I, and they put us at His feet.

That truth also strips me of words.  

The truth is that life is hard, there are many reasons to let go of our joy, to focus on the fallen world around us and allow that to consume us...and therefore our lives will tend to be characterized by bitterness and hurt as opposed to joy and freedom.

When we chose to abide in Christ we find this truth to be our foundation, "Your words were found and I ate them, And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts." Jeremiah 15:16

See dear friends, having no words is okay...it acknowledges a God who is bigger than all of us, especially our own selves.  A God who speaks healing and truth to our souls...and meets our deepest needs...and God who speaks to our hurts where no man can.

It may seem silly, but the older I get the more purposeful I want to be with my words, and I would rather be silent than use words that destroy others.  I would rather be the one in the shadow simply praying and trusting for my friend, than up in the middle of their business and risk offending the weak and hurting.  I'd rather offer His words of life, truth and encouragement than my words of error, condemnation or judgement (if not properly checked).

Next time you have the opportunity to share in the trial of a friend, don't look for words that make you feel or look good, rather seek the Giver of all good and true words, and ask Him to communicate His love, grace and mercy through you.

Remember, we have been called by HIS name.

The Gospel in Legos

Saturday night I walked into  our six year old's bedroom to discover that at some point throughout the day there had obviously been a Lego explosion because Legos were everywhere.  I mean it was not safe to talk through that room, because stepping on a Lego embeds that Lego into your foot and causes more pain than one could ever imagine coming from a child's toy.

It was a daunting clean up, even to me, at my age.  So I can only imagine what it looked like to him.  It must have seemed insurmountable.  However, we told Sweet E, he had to clean up after his shower before he went to bed, and he had been looking forward to a sleepover with his brother all day.

So after getting his jammies on he quickly went to work on cleaning his room, he was motivated.  After about 15 minutes he began to lose steam.  He came into my room and said, "Mom I can only do half...it is crazy in there, Legos are all over."

I honestly was thankful at that point because he had been self controlled, had not thrown a fit (we are raising children here and they tend to throw fits when they are young) and just seemed pretty grown up with his comment. 

"Let me see baby" and I followed him into his room.

I was surprised, he had done a lot, well more than half and he had done a good job.  He was putting legos where they belonged and other toys in their places as well.

So I bent down and looked at his little eyes and said, "Eli...I'm going to help.  I'm going to pick up the remainder of the Legos, but you are responsible for putting away all the other toys in their spot."

He looked at me and said, "thank you Mommy."

So we began working together, and in the quietness of cleanup, I glanced at him and softly asked...

"Eli, did Mommy make this mess?"

"No, I did."

"Eli, should Mommy have to clean this up?"

"No, I should, but it is hard."

"Eli do you know what grace is?"

"Yeah it's Jesus."

"Yeah, it is son, it is Jesus Christ, living and dying and rising again to offer us forgiveness of our sins, when we do not deserve it."

"Hey Mommy, Satan needs grace.."

"Well Eli, the point is..Mommy is giving you grace right now, you do not deserve for me to clean up your crazy mess, I didn't do it, it's not my responsibility, but I'm going to help because I love you."

"Thanks Mommy, I like grace."

"Yes baby, I'm so grateful for it too, and we all need it do you know why?"

"Because we are all sinners?  Especially Satan."

"Especially us, baby....we all need it, remember God's word? 'For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.' Romans 3:23"

As I was able to sit on the floor of my baby's room and clean up legos I began to praise the Lord for His provision and grace.  He is a God who is merciful and gracious and patient.  That He would use me, a sinner in need of so much grace and forgiveness myself, in the life of a 6 year old, and grant me words to connect cleaning up legos to His provision of forgiveness of sins...which is our greatest need no matter who we are.  I am humbled.  Our God is a faithful God.

Over the course of the last 10 days or so, my family has entered into a trial.  It's not fun, it's uneasy and uncertain.  It's frustrating because we have done nothing wrong.  We are in fact the innocent ones, but it seems in our society that we are no longer innocent until proven guilty, but perhaps it is guilty until proven innocent.  It's unfortunate.  It's disheartening and it makes it very easy to lose faith in men or any man made institution.

Which is okay, because we do not place our hope in man.  Our Father, provider of all our needs, the One who met our deepest need at Calvary with His only Son, is where our hope lies.  He has provided for our deepest need, how will He not provide for this need?  Our God is good.

It's absolutely wonderful because I personally feel like a lego explosion has gone off inside of my mind.  There are tiny pieces of this mess all over the place, and it's impossible to walk through my mind without getting hurt.  Sin hurts.  It never brings relief or healing, and when it's the sin of others directed at you, it's even more hurtful.  This little lego explosion I chose to clean up that wasn't mine, is just like what's going on now.

This trial we are going through isn't the Lord's He didn't do anything, He doesn't have to deal with the mess or pick up the pieces...and yet...

  Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; 

From where shall my help come?

 My help comes from the Lord,  

Who made heaven and earth. 

 He will not allow your foot to slip; 

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
 The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
 The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

Friends, this is my God, in the midst of the trials and uncertainties of life, I am resting in the One who created it all.  He rules it, He reigns, He's got this.  Not because I deserve His favor or comfort, but simply because of who He is, I have trusted in Him, and my life is in His hand.

He is quietly walking into the Lego minefield of my mind, gently picking up the pieces and lovingly assuring me that He is right there with me, every piece and step of the way because of Who He is.

He whispers to my soul sweet words...truth....that can reach to the depth of the human soul as nothing else can and penetrate the worry with peace that surpasses all understanding because it comes from the Divine, Holy, Creator, Loving Father who wooed me to the cross, exposed my sin and saved me with His Son.


God speaks life:  "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13