Who did I really marry?

The other day, I was cutting my husband's hair.  As I took off at least a half inch on the sides, I revealed even more gray hair than ever before.  Then the next afternoon I proceeded to have my hair colored to cover my whites.

It has really hit me, like a ton of bricks lately.  We are aging.  Not just our kids, my mom friends and I always say, "they grow so fast try and enjoy every season."  But guess what's happening while they grow up so fast?

We are too!  Almost faster than they do, at least from outward appearances it seems.

As I cut my husband's hair, and revealed even more gray,  inwardly I was an emotional wreck.  You know, that gray hair (and my white hair), have been earned.  We haven't always had the easiest of times in our marriage...and in our short eleven years we've moved seven times, bought four houses, had three kids and my husband has changed careers once.  We've served the Lord in seven different churches and have three kids.  The three kids came within the first 5 years of our marriage.

That can be overwhelming to read, but it makes me incredibly thankful. 

July 20, 2002 as I walked down the aisle at Westside Church and said "I do." I didn't even realize what I really meant.  I thought I was marrying this perfect, amazing, Jesus loving man who would never disappoint.

Just for fun, this is our engagement picture from 2001.

Guess what?  I married a sinner.  He loves Jesus, and Jesus' grace covers him, just as it does me.  But when you put two sinners in close proximity for a prolonged period of time...guess what inevitably works it way out?  Sin.

Through the first few years of our marriage, God spoke a word to me.  When I said, "I do."

What I really said was,

"God I do trust You to hold our marriage together."

"God I do commit this marriage to You."

"God I will choose to obey what your word says about marriage, not because of my spouse, but because of You.

See, I come from a 'broken' home.  While I realize that broken is so much more than parents being divorced....I believed in my heart even before Christ saved me, that marriage could work. 

Dear friend, marriage is really about our commitment to our Lord.   Please do not misunderstand or misinterpret what I am saying.  There are certainly reasons that call for separation (be it abuse or marital unfaithfulness), but overall...God is for marriage.

When I made that commitment to my spouse all those years ago, what the Lord has shown me, is my commitment isn't really to my spouse...it's to my Lord, my spouse is just the beneficiary.  He receives all the benefits of my desire to obey God in my marriage.   That's all.

So, as I cut my husband's,  I was reminded of God's grace...eleven years.  He has kept us together, it hasn't always been sunshine and roses....but it certainly has not been all bad either.  My husband is iron to me.  He sharpens me, he isn't some super spiritual man who is a "super saint."  He's just a regular redeemed sinner, living in the abundant grace of our Savior, trying to obey God in our marriage and our family as best he knows how.

It goes fast.   We grow up fast.  Like I said, I see the evidence of my kids growing, in fact my 9 year old is almost as tall as me, and wears the same size shoe I do.  It's insane.  My "baby" is 5!  He reads, he writes, he adds and subtracts!  

Wherever did it go?  I saw my sweet husband playing catch with five boys when I came home the other evening from work.  We only have three.   He is a good man.  He wants to show these boys what a real man is.  Someone who loves Christ and makes Him known.

It blesses my heart immensely that God is a loving and patient God who just as he uses out children to teach us of His love and grace, uses our spouses to refine us as well. 

While we are certainly growing older, it's amazing to watch the Lord grow love in my heart for my spouse.

I love these verses, and I pray these encourage you:

"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth" Proverbs 5:8

and

"The Lord grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” Ruth 1:9

Celebrating our Inspirations: Enter to Win a FREE Book!

Alright Ladies, we all have that special woman we know who inspired us to be the wife we are today. She may still be inspiring you now!! I want to celebrate the God given role of “wife” and the release of “Chicken Soup for the Soul Devotional Stories for Wives”

I am a contributing writer in the book, and am excited to share it with you!

Here are the rules (I will stop taking Comments/Entries on Wednesday September 18th at midnight):

1. Leave a short comment on this blog entry saying who inspires you as a wife and why. Something short, 2-3 sentences.
2. Then share this blog post with your friends.
3. For each comment you will be entered in the drawing once and for each share you will be entered once.
4. The winner will receive not one but TWO free copies of “Chicken Soup for the Soul Devotional for Wives”
5. One copy is yours to keep!  The other is a gift for you to give to that precious woman who inspires you, or someone you want to inspire, if your inspiration is no longer with us.
6. I will announce the winners on my blog, and get your contact information to mail your copies directly to you!

Get to it!! This is a great devotional filled with true stories of how the Lord has worked in the lives of wives. It will encourage you and inspire you to grow in your marriage!

Everywhere I look I'm seeing attacks on marriages, especially within the church. When I say church, I'm not saying a building, but rather I'm going back to the early days where the church was the local body of believers. So..if you look around at the body of believers you are associated with, it's safe to say there is an attack on marriages today. I have had the immense privilege of crying out to God for friends' marriages and marriages within my extended family along with my own marriage. What is so tough to me, is the idea that we can pick and choose from the scriptures what we will apply to our lives to live out, and what we will just leave by the wayside so as not to be changed by the living and active word of God (Heb 4:12). As I say that, I am very very well aware of my own sinfulness..and ever so thankful for a God who in His kindness leads me to repentance...and Who daily pursues my heart and holds me to the standard of Christ and not the standard of men, and sees me through the redeeming blood of a PERFECT Savior!!

Reading God's words in Matthew 19, it clearly states that Moses granted that men could get a certificate of divorce because of their hardness of heart! God's word says, "they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Matthew 19:6. For some those are harsh words because their marriage is riddled with trouble. Maybe you think your spouse is mean to you, maybe you think you made a mistake...maybe your spouse has changed...maybe your spouse is struggling with an addiction...or here's an eye opening thought...maybe you are struggling with pride and self-centeredness and not willing to open your heart to the Lord to allow Him to show you where you need to change and where you are at fault in your marriage.

Early on in my marriage I read a quote by Kay Warren, "Marriage isn't meant to make you happy it's meant to make you Holy." I do not know why that quote was so eye opening to me, because God's desire if for us to be holy even as He is holy, and most certainly the Creator of the universe can use any and everything to make us holy. But at that point in my marriage it was...that was a huge turning point for me...a day of self examination. I knew I wasn't perfect and I knew I seriously needed the Lord to change me and mold my heart to be the helpmate that Micah needs. God has been so gracious in growing our marriage since 2002 (when we began this journey). Some months have definitely been more fun than others, but overall..I completely trust God's sovereignty in pairing me with my spouse. Trusting that erases the doubts of what if I made a mistake? They are no longer valid doubts to even be entertained...but rather sinful thoughts of distrust in God's complete and utter Sovereignty. The Lord allowed me to have this view of marriage after bringing healing and restoration to our marriage early on, my commitment in this marriage is not to my spouse..in fact it has little if nothing to do with him, but rather has everything to do with my faith and trust in God and my commitment to Him. I trust God. It's that simple. My "choice" of a spouse was written even before my days came to be..Psalm 139:16

God is so graciously teaching me be it in my marriage, or doubt or sinful distractions...that in whatever He desires to draw me to Himself, He desires for me to pursue Him in His word and in prayer, and He desires to create in me a pure heart that I may be holy even as He is holy (Psalm 51:10, , Mathew 6:33, 1 Peter 1:16)

Ladies God's desire for us is clear...that we would be in a right relationship with Him, which He alone can do and has done if you call upon the Name of Jesus as Savior you have unlimited access to God the Father to beseech Him on behalf of your marriage and the marriages throughout this world...beg the Lord to pour out His mercy upon marriage...not because of anything we have done but solely because of His great compassion (Daniel 9:18-19). As the Lord brings friends to your mind throughout the day, briefly pray and ask God to strengthen their marriage. Pray for your family for your loved ones, for those within the walls of your church...ask God for revival in marriage. That believers would rise up and accept the Word of God for what it is, the Final Authority, and that as believers we would take seriously each and every word.

We are so incredibly blessed to have God's word WRITTEN! It is written in several versions and formats, we even have it on Cd's now so we can listen to it all day if we wanted! It is truly amazing the blessings we have because the Lord has allowed them, and yet we fail to take advantage of what God has given us. We fail to beseech the Lord so often in prayer. God is so clear, pray without ceasing 1 Thes. 5:17.

Be a woman of the word and a woman of prayer...ladies do not fall into the temptation of world and become a weak woman who is led astray by every temptation being weighed down by sins (For among them are those who enter into the households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins... 2 Timothy 3:6a) Pray! Pray that we would not fall into temptation, but the we would be fervent in our desire for God! Pray that God would captivate our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Pray for your sisters, your friends, your parents...your neighbors...pray...whoever and whatever...just pray!

As I reflect on the importance of prayer, having come from a family of unbelievers...knowing only that after I came to Christ, my paternal grandfather and grandmother were the only two believers in my family...I know that God's hand was upon me since birth as He ordained the day of my salvation, but that as my grandmother cried out to God daily for both my sister and I, I can only imagine how sweet and persistent her prayers were as my sister and I were in the midst of an unbelieving "dysfunctional" home! And I'm thankful that the Lord has allowed me the privilege of knowing that my grandma prayed for me! What an immense blessing. I think the foundations of a marriage and a friendship need to be deeply rooted in prayer that your spouse, family and friends know before asking you..that you are praying for them. That is the heart I long to have..one in a constant state of prayer not just for the family the Lord has given me, but for the precious sisters in Christ the Lord allows me to call friends and family, that they would know I will in a heartbeat lay them before the throne of grace and seek our God on their behalf!

I recall as Moses cried out to the Lord, "I pray You, show me Your glory!" Ex. 33:18 Ladies lay your equests before the throne of grace and pray that the Lord would show us His glory in bringing His healing and restoration to homes across our world!!

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever Isaiah 40:8

In the very beginning of our marriage, my husband and I had the blessing of traveling through a very dark and deep valley together...it was a direct result of a sin that had a hold on my husband, and it blew up in the first three months of our marriage...I had not been prepared for this, and I think my reaction showed it. I'll never forget when I confronted my husband about what I had found, I felt like my heart has been stabbed and my trust in him was just completely shattered. It was as if something inside of me died that day....and it's taken years to be reborn. I had hopes of that first year of marriage being perfect, that "honeymoon" year....and because of sin...those hopes and expectations were completely shattered...lost really, because you can never get time back. I remember going to a friend, seeking comfort and counsel....and getting it because the Lord has put a friend in my life who prioritized God's word and allowed herself to be transformed by it. I could have walked out the door that day on my spouse, I could've said..."I didn't sign up for this, and I don't deserve this" but I stayed, because I fervently believe God's word stands forever. I believe that when I got married, I made a commitment to the Lord, not just to my spouse..he is the earthly beneficiary of my commitment I made that day to the Lord...I come from divorce, and what divorce does to families is beyond words...it rips each person to their core, and it can be a deadly pattern of destruction for generations to come...so I stayed, we sought marriage counseling and it was an ENORMOUS blessing...I went to marriage counseling knowing it was my husband's sin that landed us there, but I left marriage counseling knowing that my sins could potentially put us right back there in the future. I'm thankful that the Lord brought to light that sin, and I can say that He alone has set my husband free from that sin now for close to seven years...to God be the glory..great things He has done!!

All that to say, what my husband and I went through was very real, and very threatening to our marriage...it could have ended there...but it didn't. Now, over the past few years I've had the enormous privilege of ministering to several friends as they've struggled in their marriages....it has blessed my soul. I've shed tears for them, I've cried out to God for them, I've begged God for revival within marriage throughout the world, and He continues to make me keenly aware of the seriousness of marriage and the absolute truth that marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse and our Lord. Today..as I sat in church, I think I just felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. Our teaching Pastor taught on marriage from Malachi 2:10-16, it was amazing..."For I hate divorce,"says the LORD, the God of Israel Malachi 2:16a...this passage that our Pastor taught out of was amazing, so refreshing, I mean I've believed all along that marriage is something God does, and we obey Him by being in it...bu today as our Pastor explained that marriage is worship, and God wants us to be right in our marriages, before we come into His house and worship Him...it was so convicting, refreshing, challenging and encouraging all at the same time. Most of us who call upon the name of Jesus believe that He is who He says He is, and believe His word to be the infallible, inerrant word of God...but I really think we fail to allow God's word to permeate our very existence and rather than truly fixing our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, we fix our eyes upon our situations and think that they are bigger than God. I'm telling you today, they are NOT, there is nothing in the world that is bigger than God, nothing that God can not handle, no one that God Himself, the Creator of the universe can not change. If God can take me, a lost gentile, living in an unbelieving family, an enemy of God, a "self-made" woman, and capture my heart with Christ, change my lineage by staking His claim on me, giving me a husband who loves the Lord, bless me with three amazing boys, allow me to be a stay at home mother, and even then, open doors for me to minister to women who have hurting marriages...then God can absolutely change you.

I have two things to share, "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever Isaiah 40:8

and "For the word of God is LIVING and ACTIVE and SHARPER than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12 (emphasis is mine)

Oh, let us...those who name the name of Jesus, who say..."I am a Christian" engulf ourselves in God's word, and cry out to God, pour our hearts out to Him, and beg Him to transform our minds...and beg of Him to give us the strength daily to do the "hard thing" and obey His word and to believe it, believe that God's word is, and both can and will do what it says!

I don't know who reads this...but I do ask...if you do...and if you call upon Jesus as Savior...please join me in crying out to Him for a revival within the church...that His own would be radically transformed by the grace of our Almighty God!

The longer I'm married the more I appreciate how perfect my husband is for me. I've seen God grow my husband in amazing ways over the last 8 years and I am humbled that God has given us 3 young boys to pour our lives into and I pray that one day my boys have a passion for Jesus the way that myhusband does. Today I watched my husband get ready for work and leave, and I just thought how thankful I am that I have a husband who literally does believe that "but if anyone does not provide for his own, especially those in his own household he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" 1 Timothy 5:8. I've known my husband for about 8 years now, and been married 6 1/2....of those 6 1/2 married years, we've had children for almost 5 of those years. When we got married we had no idea what the future would hold, we just got married and trusted God in leading us into the ministry. We moved halfway across the country, I was about 8 weeks pregnant, we had no jobs no health insurance...and yet God called us, and "faithful is He who calls you, He will also bring it to pass." 1 Thes 5:24...so we went to Seminary. Our years in Kentucky were interesting, filled with ups and downs as my husband pursued the completion of his degree, and we welcomed two children into our marriage. My husband believed in his heart I should have the opportunity to stay at home with the children, and honestly I never thought growing up I would want to, but God changed my heart and opened my eyes to His plans for our family....I've been at home since the day before Joseph was born and it's been a blessing. I remember walking the halls of our first home carrying Joseph around as he was so tiny just singing to him and reading to him....loving on him as only a mother can. I've seen my husband at times work 3 jobs to support our family...and without complaint. It's amazing that as I look back on the years we've had together to see what God has brought us through. People ask us a lot why we aren't in ministry, or if we haven't seen them in awhile...people just assume we are...and ask where. It was weird at first, almost like we had disappointed so many people that believed in us as we were called to seminary. On this side of the story, I've got to say I am so thankful for a seminary that teaches young families that their number one ministry is their families....and that they should never sacrifice their family for the sake of ministry. I'm thankful that as we followed the Lord's leading, He has led us into "lay" ministry and has given us three sweet little sinners, all in need of Jesus, and He is daily refining us so that we can minister to them and point them to Jesus in their lives.

I've been very fortunate to see many friends' marriages succeed and none fail as of yet. I thank God for that. I think that the last 6 1/2 years of marriage has taught me invaluable lessons that will guide me in the rest of my marriage...I'm thankful that my commitment isn't to my husband but is to my Lord, and my husband's commitment isn't to me but to Jesus as well. Otherwise we'd have no hope. Marriage is tough at times, a breeze at others...but altogether is a blessing. "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth" Proverbs 5:18, I think it works both ways...that as wives we should rejoice in the husband of our youth too....and be thankful for how God crafted our husbands before the foundations of the earth just for us. Simply breath taking isn't it? How much the Lord cares for sinners like us...that He even created our spouses perfectly for each of us.