So I read through the bible in a year...every year...because I need to. I'll never fully get it...I mean really understand the fullness of God and His word until the Lord brings me home, but I've never forgotten the lesson God taught me in college..part of my junior and all of my senior year I moved off campus and lived by myself...those months were amazing...I remember pulling all nighters...just reading my Bible....I would read any Christian book I could get my hands on, I was doing multiple Bible studies at a time...trying to wrap my mind around the Christian life...to "figure" it out and so that I could come up with a plan on how I would live....and then I'd simply execute it.....I'm pretty good at following instructions so this made perfect sense to me. I remember this as if it were yesterday...God just showed me through His word...it's all about HIM....HE is the perfect TEACHER...there is no book, no bible study, no nothing other than HIS WORD, that is gong to teach me how to live the life He wants me to live. So...what was so freeing about that? Well it was as if there was this huge weight lifted off my shoulders...I didn't have to worry about trying to figure it out...God already had, and He loves me so much He even wrote it down for me to read...to apply and to PRAY! (How I love to pray God's word!)
So as I was reading through Lamentations this year, something completely new just grabbed my heart...I've been struggling with my boys... a lot lately..mostly it's because I am selfish...I mean really...I want to relax a little, sometimes I don't want to do laundry, sometimes I just wish people understood what I'm going through on a daily basis...and it all comes down to me being selfish and that's just nuts...so as I was reading, "Why should any living mortal, or any man offer complaint in view of his sins?Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the LORD." Lamentations 3:39-40 Oh...I wrote this verse down on my index card and carried it around all day...then it's been in my van with me as I've toted the three around the town this week. I mean really is this my life or what? Here I am struggling with my boys wanting "my" time and wanting to "relax" but I've failed to examine and probe my ways to see where the sin is n my heart, instead I've given way to the sin of complaining (yes...it IS a sin 1 Corinthians 10:6-14...really it's awesome) and then also as Moses talked about in Exodus as he said in 16:8 that their grumblings were really against the Lord..which I believe when we complain against situations or against people...really we are complaining against God...I mean after all...we accept God's sovereignty...so we know and believe that ALL things are from God and work together in us and through us only by His will. So here I am in...in full view of my sins...complaining about my life....it's nuts ridiculous really....what does it boil down to? Not living out the joy that Christ has put in my heart in the security of Him and His salvation...but allowing the moment to take my heart and mind captive and allowing myself to succumb the sinfulness of my flesh to satisfy it's evil desires in sinning...
We (the 5 valentines) went to lunch today with a delightful godly couple...they are childless....they can not have children...they struggle with infertility...here I sit with THREE healthy, happy, vivacious boys...who I am that I should offer complaint? Do I need breaks...absolutley...did God give me the perfect husband...that came with the perfect in-laws....well they are perfect for me and my needs...is it easy...no...but God gives me the grace daily...and His word is perfect...it satisfies my soul....how I long for His word to satisfy all our souls.....
Bless the LORD, O my soul, And all that is within me, {bless} His holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, {So that} your youth is renewed like the eagle. Psalm 103:1-5

In Lamentations 3:39-40 examine and probe (in the Hebrew) mean to search through, examine fully, explore...God wants us to look at our lives, our hearts...our motives..to examine ourselves to probe our hearts...to see...what's our sin...what's our motivation...are we in need of crying out, "Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me" as David did in Psalm 51:10...I'll be honest...this is the cry of my heart almost daily...and in the beauty of God's word...He continues...AND let us RETURN to the LORD. Because God is always there, Oh PRAISE HIM!!! And then I think, after we've done this, we've examined our hearts, probed our ways...and returned to God..then as in verse 41, "we lift up our heart and hands toward God in heaven" God's word is so perfect, and so complete...so relevant...so amazing... I just don't believe there are adjectives in our language that can describe the Word of God.