The Gospel in Legos

Saturday night I walked into  our six year old's bedroom to discover that at some point throughout the day there had obviously been a Lego explosion because Legos were everywhere.  I mean it was not safe to talk through that room, because stepping on a Lego embeds that Lego into your foot and causes more pain than one could ever imagine coming from a child's toy.

It was a daunting clean up, even to me, at my age.  So I can only imagine what it looked like to him.  It must have seemed insurmountable.  However, we told Sweet E, he had to clean up after his shower before he went to bed, and he had been looking forward to a sleepover with his brother all day.

So after getting his jammies on he quickly went to work on cleaning his room, he was motivated.  After about 15 minutes he began to lose steam.  He came into my room and said, "Mom I can only do half...it is crazy in there, Legos are all over."

I honestly was thankful at that point because he had been self controlled, had not thrown a fit (we are raising children here and they tend to throw fits when they are young) and just seemed pretty grown up with his comment. 

"Let me see baby" and I followed him into his room.

I was surprised, he had done a lot, well more than half and he had done a good job.  He was putting legos where they belonged and other toys in their places as well.

So I bent down and looked at his little eyes and said, "Eli...I'm going to help.  I'm going to pick up the remainder of the Legos, but you are responsible for putting away all the other toys in their spot."

He looked at me and said, "thank you Mommy."

So we began working together, and in the quietness of cleanup, I glanced at him and softly asked...

"Eli, did Mommy make this mess?"

"No, I did."

"Eli, should Mommy have to clean this up?"

"No, I should, but it is hard."

"Eli do you know what grace is?"

"Yeah it's Jesus."

"Yeah, it is son, it is Jesus Christ, living and dying and rising again to offer us forgiveness of our sins, when we do not deserve it."

"Hey Mommy, Satan needs grace.."

"Well Eli, the point is..Mommy is giving you grace right now, you do not deserve for me to clean up your crazy mess, I didn't do it, it's not my responsibility, but I'm going to help because I love you."

"Thanks Mommy, I like grace."

"Yes baby, I'm so grateful for it too, and we all need it do you know why?"

"Because we are all sinners?  Especially Satan."

"Especially us, baby....we all need it, remember God's word? 'For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.' Romans 3:23"

As I was able to sit on the floor of my baby's room and clean up legos I began to praise the Lord for His provision and grace.  He is a God who is merciful and gracious and patient.  That He would use me, a sinner in need of so much grace and forgiveness myself, in the life of a 6 year old, and grant me words to connect cleaning up legos to His provision of forgiveness of sins...which is our greatest need no matter who we are.  I am humbled.  Our God is a faithful God.

Over the course of the last 10 days or so, my family has entered into a trial.  It's not fun, it's uneasy and uncertain.  It's frustrating because we have done nothing wrong.  We are in fact the innocent ones, but it seems in our society that we are no longer innocent until proven guilty, but perhaps it is guilty until proven innocent.  It's unfortunate.  It's disheartening and it makes it very easy to lose faith in men or any man made institution.

Which is okay, because we do not place our hope in man.  Our Father, provider of all our needs, the One who met our deepest need at Calvary with His only Son, is where our hope lies.  He has provided for our deepest need, how will He not provide for this need?  Our God is good.

It's absolutely wonderful because I personally feel like a lego explosion has gone off inside of my mind.  There are tiny pieces of this mess all over the place, and it's impossible to walk through my mind without getting hurt.  Sin hurts.  It never brings relief or healing, and when it's the sin of others directed at you, it's even more hurtful.  This little lego explosion I chose to clean up that wasn't mine, is just like what's going on now.

This trial we are going through isn't the Lord's He didn't do anything, He doesn't have to deal with the mess or pick up the pieces...and yet...

  Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; 

From where shall my help come?

 My help comes from the Lord,  

Who made heaven and earth. 

 He will not allow your foot to slip; 

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
 The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
 The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

Friends, this is my God, in the midst of the trials and uncertainties of life, I am resting in the One who created it all.  He rules it, He reigns, He's got this.  Not because I deserve His favor or comfort, but simply because of who He is, I have trusted in Him, and my life is in His hand.

He is quietly walking into the Lego minefield of my mind, gently picking up the pieces and lovingly assuring me that He is right there with me, every piece and step of the way because of Who He is.

He whispers to my soul sweet words...truth....that can reach to the depth of the human soul as nothing else can and penetrate the worry with peace that surpasses all understanding because it comes from the Divine, Holy, Creator, Loving Father who wooed me to the cross, exposed my sin and saved me with His Son.


God speaks life:  "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

Foam Rollers and a Veggie Tales Bible

I'm a runner.  I'm slower than most and faster than some.  I run because I love it.  It's peaceful and quiet and nothing but me, my Lord and my music.  Most runs are morning runs and I am very blessed to see the sunrise as I run.

Sometime in May, I messed my back up.  It went into crazy spasm mode and wouldn't stop.  It would ease up a bit and then I'd run...and then spasm again and ease up....a vicious cycle for a runner (well really for anyone).

I know that part of the problem was my lack of commitment to stretching post workout.  I would generally come home from a run, stretch a little and then gear up for my day of teaching our three energetic boys.

Enter the FOAM ROLLER.

Yes, that's right, and if you've rolled your muscles before when you read that you probably read it with delight.  The foam roller is amazing.  A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.  In fact, so much so that I've decided I now have "foam roller induced ADD."  Every time I walk into a room and see my roller I basically stop what I'm doing and start rolling.  It's just that helpful.

So you may be wondering what type did I get?  Did I just run to Target and grab something off the shelf?  Did I get the cheapest one? The cutest one?  How did I decide...why is it that I just can't stop rolling.  It is not the cuteness, or price, or anything else.  Rather it is the benefits of rolling that makes it nearly impossible to not do.

I should probably back up my story a bit and share that I had several friends and fellow runners suggested I start rolling.  However, my sweet best friend said, "come to my house and I will teach you.  I will watch you and see what you are doing wrong and help you learn to do it right to prevent injury."  Did I mention that I love my best friend?

So I went, and learned and tried it and now... I'm fighting foam roller ADD all day, because I've got stuff to do.  I need to accomplish things.  Seriously, I can not roll all day long..

This afternoon as I finished rolling for the 4th time today, I began to think about how the roller "calls" to me when I see it, I've been laughing at myself for days and how often I use this thing I was once so afraid of.  This crazy foam roller that once scared me and seemed overwhelming and daunting so it stayed far away from my mind now captivates a fair amount of my time.

The Lord whispered softly to my heart as I was chuckling at myself.  "Don't I beckon you like that?  My word sits, perfect, holy, pure...waiting...powerful and true...ready."

And the beauty of my God is that not only is He exactly right, why am I not more fervently seeking Him?  Why do I not have "reading the word induced ADD?"  I can walk into a room see my bible, and turn and walk out..often without thinking, 'maybe I should just sit awhile and 'roll' through some pages.'

 (yes this is the Bible I was reading...and yes it's my sons' Veggie Tales Bible...

the blessing of children and a God who pursues my heart)

But as the Lord lovingly whispered to my soul this afternoon, it was pure sweetness.   No condemnation because "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1  Rather it was the sound of the loving Father, drawing me near, answering my prayers to "restore a steadfast spirit within me" (Ps 51:10) and showing me yet again, He does make all things new, He is the Perfecter of my faith and He is the Source.  He is the Vine and the Vinedresser, who both grows and prunes for His glory.

I wonder, like my best friend, who lovingly gave of her time, to teach, assess and demonstrate how to utilize the foam roller, have you found a friend in Christ who will teach you His word, demonstrate living it out and will come along side you in love and help you assess your heart that you would be continuing to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ?

Have you found that, as good as fellowship with believers is here on earth that your Heavenly Father longs to draw you into intimacy with Him through His word, Prayer and His Holy Spirit working inside of you?  Have you relied on Him to whisper to your soul His transforming truth that penetrates to the soul for eternal transformation?

I would challenge you dear reader, next time you are seeking more of God to quiet your heart before Him and just listen.  He is there.  Right there.  Whispering to your soul, in peace and grace and without condemnation to speak life into your soul.

Can I encourage you with this dear friend, when you feel as if you are far from God or your quiet time isn't what it should be, or even if it is and consistent yet you still feel 'off'  cry out to God,  cry along with David, "Create in my a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."  Psalm 51:10.  Keep asking, keep waiting, don't give up...we have a God who does not give up on us.  He pursues us, and we need His grace to pursue Him.

Hurled with Restraint

This morning, I was able to sneak in a few moments to read some more of a book I am halfway through right now.  It's A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, now I usually don't recommend a book until I complete it, but I can't recommend this enough at the halfway point!!  I'm at an interesting place in the book, a place where there is content I did not expect nor even know my heart desperately needed.  So I'm sitting here at my computer humbled and blessed.  I am thankful for the commitment of fellow believers to write what the Lord has taught them.  I'm in the middle of writing my own first book and it is tough.  Much more work than I anticipated and one thing I am learning I am very grateful for being blessed by so many good books throughout my life because finishing a book is no easy task...yet many do and I am thankful.

So lately as I've been having my own struggle to get focused on finishing my book, and most of the struggle to finish is internal.  I've got thoughts of doubt, condemnation, and frustration.  It's not true for everyone, but for me, I am my own worst critic.  So this morning as I walked through the pages of this book, I came to this:

"The steps of a man are established by the LORD; and He delights in his way.  When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the LORD is the One who holds his hand."  Psalm 37:23-24  

Reading these verses this morning they literally were so full of life it was as if they jumped off the page, and wrapped themselves around my heart.

I emphasized "when" because it's a guarantee,in fact in the original language another word for it is 'certainly.'  When I fall.  I'm going to fail the Lord, I'm going to make a mess out of the blessings He gives me.  It will happen.  I do not want  it to happen, but I'm not perfect.  My head knows that, my heart knows it, and yet...there is pride...that deeply rooted pride that sneaks in through even the smallest of circumstances that whispers, "you aren't as bad as her" "you've got this" "you deserve better" "at least your kids don't act like that" "you are a much better mom because..."  "you're more mature than her because...."   And the lists go on.  

We can know in our minds and our hearts that we are that bad, but our actions have to follow suit.  They've got to line up with what our mouths profess to believe...it's that whole reality of James 1:22, "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves."  Living out the Word is tough, and sometimes I'll be honest...my actions might do what appears right but inside I am battling with my heart to have the grace, mercy and love of my Lord.  I want that.

I want my heart to be rooted and established in His word and grounded in His love, that simply because He has blessed me I will be a blessing (Gen 12:2).  I'm not even talking about tangible blessings...I'm talking about the mercy and grace of Christ on the cross crucified for me.  So amazing it's almost unbelievable and yet it is TRUTH. 

So, He tells me I will fall, but He says "he shall not be hurled headlong."  I will fall and fail and stumble...and yet He is holding my hand and will not allow me to be hurled (cast down or thrown down) because He is holding onto me.  As I read "hurled headlong" I had the image of an intense throw.  I mean when you hurl something you are putting all your might into that throw.  So does this world, and sin, and Satan.  All that is against us doesn't always come as stealthily as pride sometimes does.  Mostly it hurls attacks at us.  Hurl means to throw something with force.  We are forcefully thrown about in our battle against sin.  Yet we will not be hurled without restraint, as our Loving Heavenly Father holds our hands, and keeps us from going headlong.

All the battles that rage within me are comforted and stilled by the Price of Peace and His powerful word.  I am not hurled headlong, and though I may be forcefully attacked (by sin, shame, doubt, condemnation, frustration...whatever it may be), I am never out of His hand.  He is my guide, holding my hand and establishing my steps.  And as we are hurled about by the battle against sin, we are confident that the war itself has been won by One much greater than ourselves.  He paid the price that although we are hurled about in this life, we can rest in the truth that His Sovereign grip of grace is firmly on our lives.  He restrains the hurling.  We will not be hurled headlong, He hold our hands.

Lord, how we need You to order the steps of our hearts to align with Your word...please work that out in our lives today. Amen!

Family Service Project: 2014

Last week, we talked through goal setting for the new year with our boys.  One specific thing we talked through was service projects that our family could do.  Small tangible things that would impact our boys and impact our community.  We are only one family, so we are starting small.  The idea we have came from a YouTube video we watched together as a family.  We can't take any credit for the idea and we think it's a wonderful way for families to impact the community they live in.

Our boys have always been sensitive towards homeless people and my husband and I have always tried to stash cash to hand out as we encounter homeless or needy people throughout our town.

Well, after watching this video and asking our boys what they would like to do to serve others this year, they all suggested helping homeless people in our county.  We showed this video to our boys and they were so excited!

So we've set a goal of how many backpacks we would like to hand out over the year.  It's going to take time and preparation.  We are going to hunt for some inexpensive backpacks and fill them with some or all of the items on the list in the video.  The gist of the video is filling a backpack with hygiene items, food items and other items that are helpful or hard to find on the streets for the homeless.

Please take the time to watch the video.  It is only three minutes.  The video is a short compilation of what one couple does and provides a website from where they got the idea. It will give you an idea of how easy it is to put together a care package for a homeless person in our area.  You can keep the backpack in your car ready to hand out as you encounter people around your town.  It may seem small or it may seem like a sacrifice to put together a $20 backpack.  Either way, it will make an impact.  People will be blessed by what you give.

If you are interested in getting involved with our family doing this, contact me.  I'd love to chat with you about how you can help.


**Please note, I am not trying to 'steal' anyone's idea, just following the example of others giving to make a difference.  This backpack idea is not mine originally.

Breaking Down News Years Resolutions

You know those epiphany moments?  Where you have such a revelation and you realize you just aren't going to be the same again.  Something changes inside you and you just get to a place where you realize where you are is done.  You don't need to be there anymore.  In fact, sometimes you realize you've been there long enough maybe even too long and it is beyond time to truly embrace the next season?

It's like realizing, you are that mom.  The one with older kids.  The words "bouncer seat" and "stroller" are no long part of your vocabulary and you aren't discussing which brand of diapers worked best for which child or where the best deal is on Huggies.  Or which formula worked best for your kid or how long you nursed each child. 

That baby phase is, dare I say, over.  Letting go of the baby stage means that not only my kids have to continue to grow up, but so do I.

I guess maybe growing up can be daunting.  When you're a kid it's some mystical achievement.  I honestly think kids look at adults with different eyes than adults do.  I have no idea what my kids think I do, but they have said on occasion, "I can't wait to grow up and I can do whatever I want whenever I want."
 
As we are seeing 2013 come to a close, something the Lord has blessed us with is the confirmation that our family is complete for now.   God has graciously granted us three healthy, challenging young boys.  Our 'baby' is five.  Reading, sleeping through the night and learning and gaining independence each day.  Our oldest is approaching ten.  These are all milestones to be so grateful for, and we truly are.  So now we move on to a new year, looking forward to 2014 and what will be.


My current stage then is older kids, not teenagers, but not infants and toddlers.  No longer am I that young mom who has no clue what she's doing, I'm that 10 year vet that can let things slide because more than likely they will pass and our kids will be fine, if not better, from whatever 'trama' they believe is life ending at the moment.  I'm that sinner saved by grace nearly two decades ago that realizes grace is all that matters, it holds us together and keeps us in Christ.  I need it more than I know and I need to freely give it more than I do because I have a Savior who gave it freely to me an undeserving sinner.

This weekend I had the privilege to take a break.  For the first time since my oldest son was born nearly ten years ago, I left my kids for more than 24 hours.  I packed my bag and flew 1000 miles away to spend the weekend with my sister and her family.  Leaving my kids home with Daddy for three days.   It was hard because I missed them, but not as hard as I thought because I was able to love on my nephews without distraction for three full days! 

The Lord also afforded me a lot of time to reflect, which was honestly really cool as we welcome a new year.  I began to think on my boys.  Each one of them is so unique and so talented.  Each one has their own strengths and weaknesses.  It's my job to help them cultivate their strengths and identify their weaknesses.  I think the biggest epiphany I had was that they are not nearly as young as I still feel they are, and that helping them identify and embrace their weaknesses so they can work through them, accept them and then focus on their strengths is not bad parenting.  In fact, it may be quite the opposite.


After all, doesn't the Lord refine us bit by bit?  Revealing the areas we need to turn over to Him so He can reveal Christ in us for His glory?  He takes our weaknesses our messes and our frailties and shows Himself powerful and gracious in their place!

He walks us to the next stage of life with Power and Grace that engulfs our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus through the power of His Word.  He is the Grace Giver who grants us peace and holds our hands as we close a chapter and open another.

"And the LORD your God will clear away these nations before you little by little; you will not be able to put an end to them quickly, lest the wild beasts grow too numerous for you."  Deuteronomy 7:22

I love this verse and it is such a comfort and encouragement in life.  Simply put the Lord could've easily, with a word eliminated complete nations before the Israelite people.  Then the land would have been clear and ready for their occupation.  But God.  In His wisdom He knew, if he would have eliminated the nations all at once the wild beasts would have taken over and grown too numerous for them to contain.  Therefore He took care of the nations little by little.

He walks us through growing up, little by little.  Because He knows us, He knows our frame, He created each of us with strengths and weaknesses. Both are gifts.  Both are to be used by Him.

So He leads us little by little, and as our family starts a New Year, His mercies are New and Fresh. He guides our path, and changes our course.  It may not be the path we would have chosen or the course we planned, but it's "the Lord's doing and it is marvelous in our eyes."  Psalm 118:23

I want to encourage you dear friend, as you begin your new year, set goals and make resolutions, but give yourself grace.  Take your larger goals and resolutions and follow God's example, break them down into little steps.  Give yourself the grace to achieve them bit by bit following each little step God has for you and your family.  When you look back in another year, if you follow Him little by little, you will be amazed at how far you've gone.

That dreaded "UGLY" Cry

Sometimes you walk through something that you don't even really know you are walking through until you get through it.  Or near the end of it.

I was wondering tonight if that could possibly make any sense to anybody besides myself?

Tonight, I was running errands, doing a few last minute little things for my husband's birthday tomorrow...and there is a song that keeps playing called, "Lord, I need you."  By Matt Maher.

Can't.  Get. Over.  It.

Seriously, it takes my breath away.  Lately every time it comes on, the tears flow...and I lift my hands in Praise to Jesus.  The ugly cry takes over, and I sing with all my heart.  Yet no noise comes out.  Not one tune.  I just sing my heart out, like Hannah did, pouring her heart out before the Lord with no audible words.   "Now it came about, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli was watching her mouth.  As for Hannah, she was speaking in her heart, only her lips were moving, but her voice was not heard. So Eli thought she was drunk. Then Eli said to her, “How long will you make yourself drunk? Put away your wine from you.” But Hannah replied, “No, my lord, I am a woman oppressed in spirit; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the Lord."  1 Samuel 1:12-15

To be brief my husband and I are in a transition.  We wholeheartedly felt called to something, and served God faithfully while in that season, and recently the Lord shut that door. 

On the way back to our house, I realized that in my life, in my heart the words of a wonderful song by Chris Tomlin were slowly becoming a reality again.  They are:

I lift my hands to believe again.

You are my refuge, You are my strength

As I pour out my heart

These things, I remember

You are faithful, God, forever

 

Somewhere in the midst of doing what we believed the Lord had called us to do, something happened inside of me.  I don't know what.  I'm not there yet in this journey.  But what I do know is as I've been trekking around town for the last week or so, I've been lifting my hands.  And it's clear in my heart it is to believe again.  I've experienced Him as my refuge, I've rested completely upon His strength....I've poured out my heart without ever uttering a sound.  And there He is.  

 

Faithful.

 

So every time, "Lord, I need You" comes on, I'm that ugly-cry mess of a Mommy.  I'm all over that, because oh how I need Him.  Every. Single. Moment.

 

I don't know if you've had the blessing of hearing that song I'm referring to, but Google it, find it on YouTube....and just allow yourself to worship the Lord in the solitude of your own heart. 

 

It's possible that sometimes the Lord walks you through an experience, a trial, or maybe something good that He has called you to...just to bring you to a point where you believe again.  Not that you ever lost your faith....but maybe...sometimes in our overly complicated world, He just wants to bring you back to the basics.  Simple, pure....faith in Christ and Who He IS!

 

From "Lord, I need You" by Matt Maher

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

 

 

"But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13

 

 

 



Full Circle

Rough.   Day.

In my last post I talked about how our minds are a battlefield.  So wouldn't you know that I'm having a raging battle lately. 

As I sat in church this Sunday listening to the Pastor teach through Luke, one thing he said that  has been on repeat in my mind  was about obedience.

Sometimes, obedience is a touchy subject.  Actually a LOT of times.  Especially in our house.  We've got boys.  THREE of them and there is only four years separating the oldest from the youngest.  So there are days when I say "just obey" countless times....there are days when I hear responses like "I can't wait til I'm grown up and I don't have to obey anyone and I can do whatever I want."

Ahh, I just have to laugh.   Not at their back talking, that's not funny because it's sinful.  But at the fact that all parents will inevitably hear words they once uttered to their parents in their youth. 

Full Circle. 

So, today....as the battle was raging and I was working through a great deal of emotion in my mind, the Lord in His infinite wisdom and great grace spoke to my heart through a passage I had hidden there, not one I read recently but one I taught through with my boys for over a week....

"As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right."  1 Samuel 12:23

My response to all that wars around me, is to respond in obedience to the Word of God.  I read this quote from Spurgeon today, "Each man should use the word of God personally, practically and habitually, that he may see his way and see what lies in it."

It is absolutely my responsibility to read the word, study the word, and hide it in my heart so that I would not sin against the Lord.

As Samuel says in that chapter, I'm responsible for myself, my responses to others.  No matter how 'shocked' I am, if the wrong done to me, my family or my friends by a believer is not outright sin, then I am instructed very clearly to simply pray for others.

So today as the war was waging in my heart and mind, and I run through all the 'options' of my responses...it all comes down to a simple choice.  Obey God or don't. 

It's like I respond to my boys all the time, "God Himself gives us boundaries to live within.  Within those boundaries He guides us and protects us, if we stay in those boundaries we are not living in sin, if we step outside of those boundaries we are.  We have to trust that following God within the boundaries He has given us is for our good and His glory. So, yes even as adults Mommy and Daddy still have to obey someone."

Sometimes they smile, sometimes they roll their eyes....my prayer is one day it sinks in...so that in those moments when they are fighting their battles, they choose obedience.

That was a good cup

It's easy to look at a great cup of coffee and realize you've only got half of it left. I'll be honest when I realize it's half gone...sometimes I slow down....I try to savor it.  I really enjoy coffee, so it's really easy for me to drink a cup in a matter of minutes...sometimes without paying attention I pick it up to take a sip and it's gone.   All.  Too.  Fast.

In our society, no one wants to be 'negative Nancy' but let's face it,  we can all fall into that negative thought pattern at one time or another.

I don't think I'm alone in admitting there are days I wonder if my kids are missing something amazing by being homeschooled.
 
There, I said it.

It's true...I think most parents who homeschool at one point in their journey will wonder..."Am I really doing the best thing for them? Will they turn out okay? What if they don't turn out as smart as I think they are..." On and on the questions will roll through your mind.

Funny thing about our minds....they are battlefields. Really. There's a war going on inside each one of us, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. A little over a year ago a dear friend recommended a book , "Teddy's Button." The book is wonderful, the boys really enjoyed it they never wanted me to put it down, and to be honest...it spoke powerfully to my heart. A simple children's book.  It very realistically and simplistically presents the warfare we face as believers.  The war against ourselves.

Over the years I've learned it's better to acknowledge the battle rather than ignore it and hope it just goes away.

God tells us, "For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds."
  2 Corinthians 10:3-4

I think one of the best comments I've read recently on the battle within is from Paul D. Tripp, "If you do not accept your ongoing struggle with sin, if you entertain the thought that your greatest problem in life exists outside of you and not inside, if you try to convince yourself that you are more righteous than you really are, you will not seek the forgiveness and righteousness that can only be found in the Lord Jesus Christ."

You see, of course I will wonder if I'm doing the right thing by my children.   I don't think I'd be a 'normal' mom if I never questioned the choices I make for my child.  Parenting is HARD!  I'm not just talking about the basics, like feeding, clothing and grooming them.  I'm talking the dailyness of teaching young boys to become men.  To become responsible yet fearless, self-controlled yet passionate....dependent upon Christ...yet independent of peers.  Yeah, being a parent it mind boggling.


I don't believe the battle is sinful.  I believe it's what we choose to do in the midst of it.   Are we actively choosing to rely on His word as truth?  Are we walking in the truth?  Remember, "I have no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth."  3 John 1:4

Is it normal I will question whether or not I am doing the 'best' for my kids?  Absolutely.  That I don't think it a sin, I think that's part of parenting.   See, we aren't God.  We don't know without doubt what is best.  We do not see the future and know the outcome.

As Christ followers, we know the One who does.  Therefore, we can trust unwaveringly in His plan and His faithfulness to His children.  "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  Proverbs 19:21

I remember well, dropping my oldest off at K5.  Thinking private school would be a sacrifice, but it would be worth it.  Four years later, two weeks in....I am thinking, wow homeschool is a sacrifice, but it is worth it.

God changes us...through time, through circumstances...but most effectively and powerfully through His word.  It's living and active...and waiting.  Chances are you've got a copy available at your fingertips if you can access the internet.  I encourage you...open it up, ask God for fresh eyes to see....and a pure heart to receive.  Undoubtedly God will change your life.

So living in the battle no longer becomes seeing the coffee cup as half empty, but rather choosing joy in the midst of the empty cup.  Finding thankfulness for the ability to have and drink the cup rather than grumbling at how fast it went.

Choosing to be Satisfied

So, last week we decided to sign our oldest up for a local sports camp.  He's been asking to play sports for  awhile, and we thought maybe a trial run at a camp would give him  a taste of what it's like before we invest and commit to a season long of a specific sport.

So, two things...this is really cool because I grew up playing basketball.  I played for over ten years, coached for three, and to be honest...my 'dream' job where I would get paid...would be to be a basketball coach.  So when he said basketball I was so thrilled.

Monday: Day One Basketball Camp.   He hates it.

Tuesday: Day Two Basketball Camp.  He hates it.  Even More.

Wednesday:  Day Three Basketball Camp.  I had to get him dressed.

See, it may seem mean, but we aren't letting him quit.  There's no reason why the camp is bad.  The coach is nice and knowledgeable.  It's physically challenging, and there is plenty of help....good ratio of coaches to players.  He just hates it.  Bottom line, he is not our most athletic kid. 

For an athletic parent...that is a lot to come to grips with.  When I first started having kids...I had these  pie in sky visions of raising my own basketball team.  Yup.  Everyone of them was going to be a stellar all star basketball player.   So, nine years later...how many play basketball in our family?  One....yeah just me.

As a mother, I feel awful.  I don't want my son to be somewhere he hates and can't wait to leave.

But, often in life, I have to be places I don't want to be, I have to finish things I don't want to...in fact sometimes the hardest part isn't finishing something I don't want to do...it's actually starting it in the first place.

So, if we let our son 'talk' his way out of something he hates...what on earth would we be teaching him?  Quit, just walk away...if it's not your thing...that's fine you can quit.   NO WAY!  

Life is hard, lessons are tough, things we don't like or enjoy are all around us.  No one willingly signs up for something they hate.  

But you just do it.

I began to wonder how the Lord looks upon us when we are going through something we "hate."  Something that perhaps we would have never signed up for, or ran the OPPOSITE direction of had we known what it was really like.

What if you would've known how hard marriage is?  Would you have said yes?

What about parenting?  Would you have been so eager to have kids had someone told you all the challenges you'd face?

I've come to conclude...I can choose frustration in the challenges I face, or I can choose satisfaction.  Listen to the word of the Lord, "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."  Psalm 90:14

Think about the trials of marriage....from petty disagreements to times of despair.  We all have them.  It's just part of life.  Marriage is a blessing.  A tool.  Something the Lord uses to refine.   Silly us, we think marriage is for our benefit...and while it is, I've come to experience, the spiritual benefits of marriage far surpass those of the earthly realm.

Parenting.  Oh.   Honestly.....this is a CAN of worms isn't it?   I mean every time I ask my children, "Why won't you just obey?"  I can hear the Lord sweetly whispering the same to me in my areas of sin.  He is GOOD!    He uses it all.   Refining.

I can't see the benefit Joseph will reap from sticking it out at this camp.  The mother in me is torn.  I can't see the outcome.  I'm human.

My God is not!  Amen!  He sees the outcome.  He knows how it goes.  He knows what Joseph will gain from not being allowed to quit. 

Whatever the situation or circumstance...God knows the outcome.  He knows the details of the journey, and I've said it many times to myself lately...."God is not as concerned about the destination as He is about the journey."    It's the journey...whether through a dark valley or a glorious mountain top...that every step of the way He is with us (Heb 13:8) and He is our guide (Psalm 48:14).

"For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things."  Psalm 107:9

Let your soul hunger for the Lord.  He will fill it dear friend, He will abundantly satisfy the hunger of your soul!! He will overflow your cup with His goodness and grace!!!

Practical Homeschool Project

The boys and I had such a blast in our daily Bible time in school this morning. We started out with Matthew 15:18 which says "but the things that come out of the mouth; come from the heart..."

And then The Lord gave me this idea to make it visual.... I drew a little boy with a big heart and a bible inside of it...then I have him a conversation bubble and we went through the bible finding verses that spoke to us about what will come out of our mouths if we are hiding his word I. Our hearts.

"I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11


If I had a larger white board I may have drawn three boys and let each one fill in his own bubble quietly and the shared as a group. Or maybe they could do it in their journals to share. However you want to do it, I thought it was a neat way to engage their hearts, hands and minds to get some practical biblical application for daily living!

A Green Thumb

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in my living room looking at my two plants that sit on the ground by the fireplace.  One is flourishing, and the other...well not so much.  I keep watering them both faithfully and keep waiting.  But nothing is happening to the small one.

So finally my ever so green thumb and I decide maybe I should move the plant to another room, where it can get more sunlight.  I moved it to the dining room, which seems to get more consistent natural light.  Funny thing is, I'm so concerned about this plant growing, each morning I wonder through the dining room and open the blinds to aim the sunlight right at the plant.

Guess what?  It's growing!!  Yeah, that's right!  Finally!! I feel like it's grown at least 30%.  I have no way of telling because I didn't measure it.  But I know for sure it is growing, and not only is it growing but it's stretching towards the sun...just like plants do.

Been feeling kind of down lately...spiritually.  It's like I look around at these ladies doing so much, some with way more children than I have and I wonder, what is my deal?  Why am I not getting more done.  I have goals I want to reach, things I desperately want to do...and yet they remain undone.

You know what, I'm like that little plant.  Sitting in the same spot, not getting near enough light and sitting in soggy soil.

Faithfully I have my quiet time, daily...I'm asking God to speak to my heart...and yet...I feel like I'm not hearing from Him.

And this afternoon as I wondered into the dining room to check on my sweet little spider plant, it was as the Lord said, "sweet girl, you are this plant." See, I may be doing the right things, like staying in His word and praying, but maybe just maybe...my position is off.  Maybe I'm in the wrong room.  Just like my little plant.

That plant had the same soil, same amount of sunlight, same water and even the same pot  as it's "big brother" and yet it wasn't growing.

Maybe I need to change what I'm asking the Lord for...maybe I need to fast from something or for something.  I'm not sure yet...but what I am sure of is this:

"Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

He never changes.  A popular song sings, "His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me."  But our hearts do don't they?  Jeremiah 17:9 is piercing to me in more ways than I can count,

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

So, what do these two verses and a stagnant plant have to do with anything?  Well, ever feel spiritually stuck?  Just like you want to do something for God, you want to serve Him where you are...but maybe your situation or circumstances seem to be limiting you.  You may even have prepared yourself (or so you think) to do something great...and then you sit and wait on the Lord and nothing comes.  Nothing changes.  You feel stuck.

That's when His word has to be such a part of every fiber of your being that truth just oozes forth from your soul.  It's not just a quick fix, that special verse that's your go-to pick me up (Although those are pertinent to our lives), but like James 1:21 says, "Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls."

Implanted.  Meaning "implanted by others instruction" or "engrafted"  As in God's word is implanted into who you are.

Truthfully, Jesus is the same, He does not change.  So if I don't feel like I'm hearing from God and I know He hasn't changed...then I can conclude that I have.  Maybe I need to move positions (not physically...but in my heart).  Something is not where it needs to be, His word tells us our hearts are deceitful above all else.  We've got to be careful dear sister, guarding our hearts in Him.  Cultivating faithfulness.  Stay the course, clinging to His word, and yet asking for an open heart and open ears to hear Him whisper "move child...pick up your things and get into a different room, you need more light."

So now I'm walking through my dining room, and I'm singing every time I see that plant.  "Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.."

God is good....He is faithful and He is love.

It's all level ground

It's all about me!  You hear this all the time, and honestly it's an easy trap to fall into isn't it?  Marketing departments across the world dump billions of dollars into marketing the idea that we are to look after ourselves.  Take care of yourself!  Live for yourself, focus on yourself....have some "ME TIME."

Would you think I was nuts if I were to agree?  What? How is that biblical at all?

Well....roll with me on this one.  What I'm suggesting is a biblical approach to taking care of yourself...not necessarily emptying the bank account to buy the prefect pair of jeans....or ignoring all those around you just to live a carefree happy life....but rather I'm talking about the "me" time that is just you, by yourself....with no devices attached, no distractions...but just you...and the Lord.

There are several scriptures that the Lord has used to emphasize and re-emphasize the importance of bathing myself in prayer and in the word in order to be ready to teach others over the years, but this morning in 1 Samuel was such a tremendous blessing to me, and I pray it is for you as well.

"Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and right way."  1 Samuel 12:23

He says, "As for me" and "far be it from me"  and "that I should sin."  Notice he doesn't say "as for you"  or "Far be it from you" or "That you should not sin against the LORD."  The example to us, is that our first priority is our personal relationship with the LORD.  Our relationship with the LORD must be prioritized and nourished.  We have to pursue Him first. 

Keep reading in the verse, he says, "and I will instruct you in the good and right way."  First it is about him and his relationship with God.  How can a man or woman....be prepared to instruct (or correct) others in the ways of God if they themselves are not in His word, seeking His will, His face...and asking how they might live first.  So first he tends to his relationship with the Lord, his heart...his motives, his sin, his struggles...not those of others around him.    Then, then he is filled with the Lord and ready to go and minister....either by teaching, loving, correcting or encouraging...whatever capacity he is called to serve...he is first filled by God and directed by His word because he was pursuing God himself.

It is just as in Ezra 7:10 (oh how this is my favorite...it just resonates to the very depths of my soul)....

"For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the Lord, and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel."

It is the same example from Ezra.  First Ezra humbled himself before the Lord for teaching and instruction and then he sought to teach others.

And again confirmed in Matthew and Luke, I'll use Luke's text today,

"How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."  Luke 6:42

See dear friend, it's all level ground. We are all sinners.  We are all saved by the same grace...that glorious grace of the Lord Jesus.   The one and only Jesus, the one we are to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12:2

This Jesus who compassionately loves us, graciously saves us, and daily sanctifies us.  This Jesus who is above all and who gave more than we would ever deserve so we could know and serve a God who is beyond human comprehension. 

Humbling?  Yeah.....I'd say so.

Freeing?  Absolutely.

Empowering?  Without doubt...my God has no end and He is never exhausted by my great need for Him.

Perfect Preparation

Sometimes the Lord speaks powerfully to our hearts about a direction or call for our lives.  I remember clearly...the Lord spoke to my heart about homeschooling our kids when our oldest wasn't even born. Around six months pregnant, I remember the Lord's peace overwhelming me about not only being a stay at home mom (though the world is often against that decision...and it could appear as a 'waste of a college degree') but specifically about being a homeschool mother.  It may seem like no big deal, I mean after all the statistics are staggering in 2007 there were approximately 1.5 million students homeschooled in the United States.

Just being honest, homeschooling is tough.  There aren't any breaks.  There's little time to regroup.  Laundry still has to get done, the house still has to get cleaned, and children need to be fed...in addition to lesson planning and teaching multiple grade levels.  By no means is it an easy task.  By no means is it an impossible task.   I can most assuredly tell you it is not impossible because of Christ alone.  "Faithful is He who calls you, and He will also bring it to pass."  1 Thes. 5:24.   God is faithful and He has called and therefore...semester by semester He brings our homeschooling journey to pass.  A call that began over eight years ago, is now coming to fruition.

Around nineteen the Lord impressed upon my heart a passion for teaching His word as real, living and active in the lives of fellow sisters in Christ.  Let me just say, while I am much older than nineteen now at each opportunities to teach, by His grace....I've willingly followed His direction.  The opportunities have varied from youth to adult.  Unfortunately though, I often feel like I fail at this because I never know where to start or what to actually do to make this call a reality.   Yet God's word is true and He is the same yesterday, today, yes and forever...so obviously that would mean that I am the one who changes.  My discipline or lack of focus..is what holds me back a lot of the time...indecisiveness, fear of failure, fear of man (or in my case...woman).

A very sweet friend once said, "I think you are type A+"   Which simply and nicely means, I'm a high strung individual.   Just like with the call to homeschool our children has been a journey...more and more the Lord is reassuring me...this call is a journey as well.  In fact, I did enroll my oldest at a local private school for a year.  The challenge to keep him home and be his sole teacher coupled with the normal developmental struggles of a five year old boy overwhelmed me, and I enrolled him in K5.  He had a great year...but just like our Lord...He had called me, and while I probably would've kept him in the school...the Lord used circumstances to change our ability to keep our son in private school.  AMAZING.  It was the Lord little by little removing obstacles to make sure I was following Him and His call. The life I've been given is to be a testimony to Jesus and His redemptive work in it.

Just like the Lord and His calling on my life.  Over and over again I am reminded that the Lord called Moses, and he didn't just sit there.  Moses took action.  The Lord called Joseph, and Joseph took action.  Over and over again, the Lord calls His people....and they (we) mustn't be idle.  We must respond with open, willing and eager hearts.  We must be a people of action.

I am head over heals in love with this passage from Exodus 23:29-30

              "I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you.  Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased and possess the land."

This is the Lord's promise to us....it shows His delicate care, His involvement in every detail, His thoughtful preparation of our future and His perfect use of our past.

His call may be evident, the fulfillment of it may be little by little.  There are enemies we fight aren't even of the flesh (2 cor 10).  God is going before us, He is running our enemies far from us. I am not suggesting we will never fight.  I am not suggesting the path will be smooth sailing.  I am confident by His word, that God goes before us, and little by little makes the path for us the will bring Him the most glory.  He gives us a call, He fulfills His purpose so that our lives are a true testimony to Christ Jesus.   ("And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony"...Revelation 12:11).

As we faithfully seek God in His word and live our lives fulfilling His call, giving glory to God through Jesus Christ...I am confident that God Himself calls us to submission, seeking and serving.  We must submit our lives to His call, seek Him in His word and serve Him in the call He has given us with all our hearts, minds and souls...and with our strength.  Which indicates we must be active!  We must actively pursue making His call a reality in our lives to give glory to God in our testimony!  Defeating the enemy and seeing lost souls come to Jesus.

I pray this word from Exodus blesses your soul, no matter where you are in your journey with our God.  I pray you see the Lord using your past and your present circumstances and experiences to prepare you bit by bit for your future. 

God doesn't stick us in the midst of a situation that He has not perfectly prepared just for us.  Look how lovingly He drove out the enemy for His children.   Not all at once, He didn't want a new enemy (the wild beast) to rise up and overtake His children.  He did it a little at a time, He kept them in a land where they were able to grow and increase before delivering them into the promised land.  Perhaps the last decade has been a place the Lord has been growing me and increasing me...or rather should I say, decreasing me and increasing Him in me...that the promised land He is taking me to will bring Him glory.

That's an awful big mess to clean.

What if doing our best meant actually pouring ourselves out...just forsaking all that is in the sinful flesh and truly depending on the Lord. 

You might be hesitant to just pour yourself our before the Lord...you might worry about the mess you'll have as you confess sin, and pride and you deal with the depths of a depraved mind and heart.  But guess what?  No matter the mess...you aren't the one cleaning it up.  In fact...the One who is cleaning up the mess...is the only One who can take your ugly disgusting stinking mess and turn it into a beautiful shining testament of God's glory!  Just like the messes of spilled milk, sometimes it's layers upon layers of cleaning until you get to the very bottom of the mess and see that shiny floor again.
 
The Lord is so gracious to our family, because as we go through the dailyness of life and the turmoil of trying circumstances...He constantly  draws us before Him, and uses His word to search our hearts.  Not only that, but He continually calls us to search our own motives.  Sometimes we want something so bad, we can get so clouded by self-righteous ideas...and justifications for our wants that we can't see the forest through the trees so to speak.

Over and over as I've been praying for our family, both my immediate and extended...the Lord has graciously brought to mind Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

Sometimes I'm tempted to "justify" myself.  Share my true motives and heart.  Sometimes it is appropriate...sometimes it's not.  Let's be honest...most of the time when we feel we have to justify ourselves or our actions it's out of fear of man or pride.  Either man's judgement on our actions (whether real live actions or perceived....I'm sure we've all experienced both).....or the slander and viciousness of others that for one reason or another may not be our biggest fan stir within our hearts a desire to clarify things.

The older I get, the more constant the Lord speaks to my heart about compassion.  Perhaps the one who is so quick to judge me for my sin, is inwardly struggling with that very same sin and has yet to remove the plank.  Perhaps....the one who so quickly assigns sinful actions to my account...themselves are guilty of that very sin.  Perhaps...we ought to spend more time looking in the mirror of God's word than the companions in our household of faith...after all...Christ Himself is the standard..not other believers.

I love in Romans 12, the "subtitle" of the section this verse comes from in my bible is "Marks of a True Christian"  Somewhere along the journey dear friend, Jesus is calling you to lay down the fight for your "self" and to simply choose love, grace and TRUTH.  That truth comes from the Word of God.  And the only way we can ensure that the word will be on our lips..is if it is truly in our hearts.  It gets there not by osmosis dear friend, it gets there by passionately pursuing Christ in His word!

Next time your mouth or in our day and age...your fingers (via text...email...twitter...facebook....or whichever social media you choose) is tempted to run rampant with judgement....why not stop..and pause...and PRAY...asking the Lord for compassion on the one you are passing judgement on....grace to REMOVE your own log....and perseverance to truly empty ourselves at the cross and make His priorities ours.

If I'm going to err in my walk with Christ, let it be said that I trusted Him too much, let it be said that I extended too much grace, let it be said I loved to passionately.  Not that I cast stones of judgement freely at the body of Christ, the family of God.

Sweet sweet sojourner....it is the very love of Christ that MUST control us...2 Corinthians 5:14

Forsake the Craziness

I was reading in Galatians this morning, and it seems lately every time I read Chapter 3, I get stuck on the same verse.  Which is obviously the Lord speaking to my heart. He is so gracious though, because each time, it's not "in your face...." It's simply the burden of trusting in Him that as He tugs at my heart with His word He wants to change me for His glory.

"Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?"  Galatians 3:3 (ESV) 

                                 or in the Message Translation:

"Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it?"  Gal. 3:3

 Often in circles of believers we can hear trivial things being debated such as, "are you reformed...are you Calvinist?" and so on.   Honestly, it burdens my heart. I'm neither.  I simply believe God's word.

That's it. I'm not trying to rewrite the Scriptures to fit into terminology that makes me look smarter than I am.  I'm not jumping on one side of the fence or the other.   I don't need to use "big words" to make me feel confident in my faith.  I'm just going to stand on the Word, and trust Him for the outcome.  I'm going to give grace to others, because I know that I could never give as graciously as my Savior did when He gave His life a ransom for mine.

Let me say, I am thankful for those who are very intellectual believers and communicate effectively and for God's glory to the super intelligent.  I do believe as Paul said, we need to be all things to all people that we may win some. 

From the beginning of time there has been a trend to rename or relabel things to try make them more appealing.  But when it comes to the simplicity, beauty and perfection of the gospel our our Lord.  Simply put...there is NO need.  God's word it just that.  HIS word.  Think on that for a moment.  This word came directly from God.  He wanted us to have it and He tells us to hide it in our hearts.  For our own good.   He doesn't need us to have His word in our hearts.  We need it!  "Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth!" John 17:17

It's almost too easy for us modern believers to forget that the word wasn't always available at fingertips.  It wasn't mass produced, it wasn't bound in copy after copy or translated into several different versions in one language....it wasn't electronically available in a quick Google search.  I think we even forget that the Lord chose a period of silence between the Old and New Testament.  God's silence is tough.  Imagine 400 years of it.

We are beyond blessed with the availability of the word...and yet we take it for granted.  I think on the message translation of this verse, and I love the beginning, "are you going to continue in this craziness?"

I love it.  Honestly, why do we chase the craziness?  Why do we in the flesh try to obtain what we first received from the Spirit?  Why do we think, "Oh......I got this.."  or "I can take care of this sin."  Are you crazy?  Am I?  No we can't.  Nothing in us can "take care" of any sin.

Nothing in us can effectively communicate the gospel of Christ, except by the power of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 12:3). 

Stop the craziness!  Go to His word expectantly.  Expect that His word will be a mirror to your heart.  He will show you what is in your heart, the depths of it.  Be prepared for a myriad of emotions.  Surprise. Disgust.  Gratitude.  Humility.  Thankfulness.   "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick, who can understand it?"  Jeremiah 17:9.  He will show us through His word what should be in our hearts.  He will transform us, bless us and sanctify us with His word.  Remember dear one, His word is living and ACTIVE.  (Heb 4:12)  His word has the power to change lives.


Embrace God's word and His power in your life. 

We aren't strong enough on our own, we aren't smart enough on our own.  That's the beauty of it all.  God is all things for us!

So go ahead, forsake the craziness...it's worth it!

...establish our hearts...

“You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.” James 5:8-9

I was reading through James this morning, and just kept thinking about the amazing grace of God. He draws us to Himself through His word. He uses His word to refine our hearts, He comforts us with His word, He restores us with His word. Dear friend, the Bible is ever so relevant!!! I am amazed, His word is fresh, and as Hebrews 4:12 says, “living and active”

I love His promises in Jeremiah 29:12-14, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD...” He promises us when we seek Him with all our heart He will be found by us!!!

I kept thinking, how do we establish our hearts? When we say establish, we tend to think beginning or start up. Often you can walk through your town and see the year it was “established” But in this scripture establish means to: “to make stable, place firmly, set fast. To render constant.”

To me this is so convicting. How can we keep our hearts constant? There is so much we get distracted by, and I say that as one who stays home and homeschools. Our world is full of distractions, things vying for not just our attention, because we have to give our attention to things in order to live a productive life...but I believe there is a lot in the world that not only grabs our attention but takes our minds captive, which can easily render us ineffective for the Lord, and shake our resolve to keep our hearts established in the Lord.

So as I was studying in James about what it means to establish my heart, one of the cross references in Scripture where this word is used also is in Romans 16:25, “Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages...”

It is the Lord who strengthens and establishes our hearts. I believe though we must have an active faith....meaning as in James 4:3, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” Sometimes we ask God to develop godly character, but it isn't for the right reasons. It may be to gain a good reputation, it may be to attain a leadership position within the church or at work.
I think when we come to the Lord broken and needy, just asking Him to show Himself in and through our lives..just for His namesake...we will see Him do a magnificent work.


I believe when the Spirit of the Living God indwells our hearts, our lives will reflect that....not in one specific way that we would all be the same...but rather, each according to the gifts God has given. I praise the Lord daily for how He designs us each individually. I look at my boys, and as I teach them...I can see already at the ages of 3, 5 and 7 that the Lord has made them all so different...with strengths, weaknesses and tendencies. Oh, how I fervently pray the Lord draws them to Himself to use their gifts for His glory as they grow.

I believe it is our job to ask. We must ask God for a firm faith, an established heart. I believe with all my heart, we should pray His word back to Him. Some of my favorites to present to Him in prayer for a firm heart are:

“Create within me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 and

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:14

and when I'm asking the Lord to give me a steadfast heart to study His word:

“For Ezra had set his heart to study the Law of the LORD, and to do it and to teach his statutes and rules in Israel.” Ezra 7:10

and

“Call to Me and I will answer you and teach you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3


I just want a hungry established heart that seeks and honors God. I want that for my children so much!!
Sometimes the want is not enough though, I have to continue to ask God fervently for the want to turn into action...the action of actively petitioning the Lord for that. I have to trust that God will establish my heart in His word, He will draw me to Himself and He will draw my children to Him.

Entrusted to the gospel!!

It's no secret really, I love the Pauline epistles. In fact the Lord has used them in my life so much I often run to them for comfort, strength, and encouragement.

"On the contrary, when they saw that I had been entrusted with the gospel to the uncircumcised, just as Peter had been entrusted with the gospel to the circumcised.". Gal. 2:7

The Greek "entrusted to" is "used in the NT of the conviction and trust to which a man is impelled by a certain inner and higher prerogative and law of soul." I just love this....a higher prerogative...yup. We have a purpose that is eternal!!

Lately I've been wrestling through a lot of issues. Nothing major, but just things, that if left untended, could crop up into major things. I feel so much more purposeful in my parenting lately. In my call to school my children at home. This word from Galatians just reverberates within my soul. Why do I do what I do? Why do I stay at home, and teach my kids. Why not ship them off to public school and enjoy some "me time?" Because I have been called by the Lord to homeschool my kids. Me personally. Not everyone, me personally. I've been entrusted with the gospel to them. They are my sweet little mission field.

I struggle at times. With just how to disciple my kids..I never had that relationship with my parents, but I do have the loving and perfect example of Christ. I am blessed beyond measure by the power of God's word and the way He uses it to transform me.


I have also the abundant grace of God that covers me. I love the word! Oh how I praise God for it! It truly revives the soul and refreshes the spirit! I just blow it over and over again with my kids, my spouse, friends. I love how the Lord convicts me instantaneously. Seriously, this is a gift. It is a humbling and refining thing, to parent for Jesus. Not one of us is perfect. No..not one. So I would encourage you dear friend, show some grace to those around you as they parent, especially if they confide in you when they are struggling. Come along side them, love them, pray for them...encourage their souls. Trust me, if anyone struggles like I do, they need the encouragement.

I am thankful that in this tough season of parenting I can rest in His truth! His truth tells me:

"Behold children are a gift and a reward." Psalm 127:3

"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6


And this I love, because all too often we think being a mom is about us, and it's not (at least, from the 7 years I've been a mother, I've learned it is not about me the way I thought it would be):


"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." Col. 3:23-24


Over and over and over again, the Lord uses my children to teach me of His grace and glory. He lovingly whispers correction as I need it and correct my own. He shows me patiently His love and mercy, as I fall short of being the parent He is. I've learned, being a mom, is not about a worldly position or title, but about being entrusted by God, impelled within my inner man to raise those entrusted to me for His glory. These three boys, little bundles of unending energy to see Jesus in all of life. To love Him passionately and pursue Him purposefully.

God is good dear sister, and if you are a mother, you are called to be transformed through that role He has given you. He will not fail you, "faithful is He who calls you, He will also bring it to pass." 1 Thes. 5:24 You have been entrusted with the gospel to the children He has given you. You are on mission...in your very own home!!

There are mornings when in the word before the Lord in the quietness of our home I am utterly amazed at His grace. The depths of which my mInd can not fathom. Every time I think I somewhat grasp the grace of God, He opens the eyes of my heart to His word even more. Read Psalm 71:6,14, 17-18:

"Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother's womb. My praise is continually of you."

"But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more."

"O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come."

I kept thinking of how the Lord keeps us and draws us to Himself even before we know it and can recognize it. Looking back on my life before Christ, I can see His grace throughout each moment and yet I did not praise Him for His goodness and grace because in my unsaved heart I had no idea who He was, and yet He continued His mercies towards me and on June 5th of 1995 He saved me!

As I was reading the precious words of David, this morning I could relate. Graciously God has given me threes sons ... The next generation. I can say with confident trust in my Lord, that because of His grace, I am so passionately driven to proclaim His goodness to them that willingly I have laid aside all dreams I once thought meant so much and would offer satisfaction to poor my life into this future generation that they will know the greatness of my God.

"My mouth will tell of Thy righteousness and of Thy salvation all day long; for I do not know the sum of them." psalm 71:15

We've been waiting on the Lord to sell our home for a few months now and just the other day our oldest said he was upset that it hasn't sold and asked why God hasn't sold it yet. By the grace of God, I was able to teach my son about God's timing and persistence in prayer and expectant hope in a God who NEVER fails. No matter the outcome our God does NOT fail!


Oh, that the Lord would grant His church favor a d strength by the power of His Spirit to teach the future generations of His goodness and grace! Let us model reverence for the God of all creation that our children would honor His great name!

Hallelujah, He Sent out His Word!!!

I've been meditating on how the Lord's truth rescues me. I don't want to get past His word and the importance of it in my life. This morning during worship at our church, there was this Word on our screens:

"He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction." Psalm 107:20

I just felt my heart leap, this is it!! This is how His truth rescues me! As believers we must embrace the utmost importance of delving into the word of God. Oh how I love this verse, He sent! Sent, in the original text can be translated, "to let loose" or "to shoot forth" Hallelujah!!! God in His infinite mercy allows us to have His WRITTEN word!! The power of God's word is unfathomable, the depths of the riches of Christ are "contained" in it!! (I use that loosely as we know that Christ Himself can not be contained)

How does He heal us with His word? He heals my sin with His word. He uses His word to be my "mirror," my standard by which I am to live and as I am continually in His word I find that I am far more sinful than I ever could have imagined and His holiness surpasses even the deepest realm of my finite comprehension. All the while I am enveloped by His love, which knows NO limit! ("Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13). God wants to heal me from my sin, I know that I am not perfect and never will be this side of heaven, and I know that just because I resolve to not sin does not mean I will live a sinless life. We can not be perfect on this earth. However we can trust that God will use His word in our hearts and lives to draw out sin, to show us the biblical response to that sin (repentance) and He will show us what a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17) looks like. He will show us in and through His word how we are "to put aside our old self and its' evil practices and put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created us." Col. 3:9-10

"As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me." Psalm 40:11

As we follow Christ together, I urge you, if you do not have a plan for reading through God's word on a daily basis, start one today!!! I will share this one with you, so simple and I take no credit for it. I heard about it from one of our elders at church. Read the Psalm of the day (like today is the 10th, so Psalm 10) and then add 30, until you read 5. Today you would read, Psalms 10, 40, 70, 100 and 130. Then add the proverb of the day, if that's not too overwhelming. This simple plan will take you through the entire book of Psalm in one month. But what you will find even more than reading through a complete book in one month, is that the Lord will captivate your heart and soul with Who He IS! He will draw you closer to Himself and will teach you great and unsearchable things you do not know (Jeremiah 33:3). God will transform your heart as you pursue Him in His word.

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13 Let us ask God to have a heart to seek Him continually!

"Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God ! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!" Romans 11:33 Let us pray together for one another to be transformed by His truth!!

"That our hearts know no other comfort or confidence than Him" - Luther

For Ezra set his heart to study the law of the LORD, and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel. Ezra 7:10.

Lately my heart's cry has been this, "How am I to study and apply God's word for His greater glory?" For the first time in a long time I am feeling overwhelmed and disorganized. For those that know me, most would not think that disorganized is a characteristic of mine. What I have seen over the last five years is the Lord lovingly breaking me of my self-reliance to be organized and "type A" and changing my heart to His glory. I am more forgetful than I ever thought I would be...and not in a way where I am bragging about it, but just in a way that the Lord is using to humble me. It's hard at times, I blogged last time about over committing myself and what the Lord taught me about that. Now, that I have lessened my commitments, I am sitting at the feet of Jesus, wondering where do I begin? I feel as though I am an entirely new and fresh student of His. My heart is longing for a fresh teaching from His word, and I am desiring to learn more than I ever have. Yet as I sit here, I feel unorganized and unable to get a grasp on things.


The church that the Lord has my family and I attending is amazing. Every summer they do a series, this summer (our first) happens to be "Created to be Addicts." With the premises that we are all addicts and all created to be such, of course the subject of our addiction is to be God. Today was interesting, one of our Elders addressed the addiction to "good" things (placing good things of this world in an idolatrous position in our lives), such as family and children, money, morality (preserving our lives) and people (fearing what others may say about me and holding others' opinions above that of what the Lord's opinion of me is). Through the sermon this morning the Lord kept whispering to me, are you studying to my glory...for my glory? Or are you studying to pacify your "people idolatry" In other words, do I want to know God's word so that it will simmer within my heart and change me, that I may practice it before my children and then teach it to my children, and like Ezra who made his heart steadfast so that he could study God's word, practice God's word and THEN teach God's word....or am I so wrapped up in a daily quiet time because it's what I have always done? These are some tough questions, but they needed to be addressed.


The order in Ezra 7:10 is so important to me, and I know I can be tempted to miss the importance of each word if I don't pause upon this verse and beg the Lord for His grace to see... Ezra set his heart to study the law of the LORD, and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel. Ex. 7:10

Okay, Ezra first set his heart. I had to stop here, because if I didn't examine the original language I would miss so much. Setting his heart means to be steadfast in his inner man. To direct his inclinations towards. Ezra set his heart towards three things, and in specific order to. First, studying God's word, second towards practicing God's word and third towards teaching God's word. I know within myself that there is no way I can correct my children bad behavior with a clear conscience unless I myself am first in obedience to God. In order to do that I must first study His word, second practice His word and THEN go and teach His word to them...to others. I am first to examine myself...and sit before the LORD and beg Him to teach me. I remember in the first years after my conversion I was like a starving woman...looking for any book I could to reveal to me the secret to Christianity...to reveal how to "get it right." Until one day the Lord spoke so clearly to me in John 13:13, "You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for I am so." God alone is my teacher. I can absolutely learn from those who have gone before me, and can absolutely be challenged by the faith of my brothers and sisters, and absolutely learn each day from the lives that others live before me, and from the sermons our elders teach, and from countless other believers in Christ as they share what the Lord has revealed to them...but my ultimate dependence must be on Christ ALONE. My passion should be to study the person and life of Christ that I may daily die to self and live to Christ.

I think where I am at right now in my walk with Christ is this, I've bitten off more than I can chew and I need to go back to seeking His word verse by verse. I need to go back to the days where I aimlessly wondered about reading and rereading the index cards with just one verse a day so that I could memorize His word and hide it in my heart. So how do I do that amidst the wild life that the Lord has given me as a mother of three young ones. I'm not sure...all I know is that I would absolutely covet your prayers as I figure out how to immerse myself not just in the morning but throughout the day in the Word of God, so that I can study, practice it and teach is, with a firm and stable heart as Ezra did. I am begging God for a fresh revelation as to how to order my day to His glory. I think I want things to be a bit more simple and yet...I have more responsibility than I have ever had. I am trusting God, His word says, "faithful is He who calls you and He will also bring it to pass." 1 Thes. 5:24. God called me to be a wife to my husband, a mother to my children and even before any of those callings He has called me to be His own.

So how do I study to the glory of God? With a steadfast heart, crying out as David did,"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 and asking God each time I open His word, with expectancy, "Call to Me and I will answer you and teach you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3. Then what? Trust that the Lord Himself will continue to live in and through me by the power of His Holy Spirit for His glory, transforming me into the image of Christ for His glory!

Dear sisters, pray for me and with me, that the Lord Himself will teach us all great and unsearchable things we do not yet know, and that He will empower us to live lives worthy of the gospel of Christ (Phil 1:27)...that we may live (as Martin Luther said) with "hearts that know no other comfort or confidence than Him"