That dreaded "UGLY" Cry

Sometimes you walk through something that you don't even really know you are walking through until you get through it.  Or near the end of it.

I was wondering tonight if that could possibly make any sense to anybody besides myself?

Tonight, I was running errands, doing a few last minute little things for my husband's birthday tomorrow...and there is a song that keeps playing called, "Lord, I need you."  By Matt Maher.

Can't.  Get. Over.  It.

Seriously, it takes my breath away.  Lately every time it comes on, the tears flow...and I lift my hands in Praise to Jesus.  The ugly cry takes over, and I sing with all my heart.  Yet no noise comes out.  Not one tune.  I just sing my heart out, like Hannah did, pouring her heart out before the Lord with no audible words.   "Now it came about, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli was watching her mouth.  As for Hannah, she was speaking in her heart, only her lips were moving, but her voice was not heard. So Eli thought she was drunk. Then Eli said to her, “How long will you make yourself drunk? Put away your wine from you.” But Hannah replied, “No, my lord, I am a woman oppressed in spirit; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the Lord."  1 Samuel 1:12-15

To be brief my husband and I are in a transition.  We wholeheartedly felt called to something, and served God faithfully while in that season, and recently the Lord shut that door. 

On the way back to our house, I realized that in my life, in my heart the words of a wonderful song by Chris Tomlin were slowly becoming a reality again.  They are:

I lift my hands to believe again.

You are my refuge, You are my strength

As I pour out my heart

These things, I remember

You are faithful, God, forever

 

Somewhere in the midst of doing what we believed the Lord had called us to do, something happened inside of me.  I don't know what.  I'm not there yet in this journey.  But what I do know is as I've been trekking around town for the last week or so, I've been lifting my hands.  And it's clear in my heart it is to believe again.  I've experienced Him as my refuge, I've rested completely upon His strength....I've poured out my heart without ever uttering a sound.  And there He is.  

 

Faithful.

 

So every time, "Lord, I need You" comes on, I'm that ugly-cry mess of a Mommy.  I'm all over that, because oh how I need Him.  Every. Single. Moment.

 

I don't know if you've had the blessing of hearing that song I'm referring to, but Google it, find it on YouTube....and just allow yourself to worship the Lord in the solitude of your own heart. 

 

It's possible that sometimes the Lord walks you through an experience, a trial, or maybe something good that He has called you to...just to bring you to a point where you believe again.  Not that you ever lost your faith....but maybe...sometimes in our overly complicated world, He just wants to bring you back to the basics.  Simple, pure....faith in Christ and Who He IS!

 

From "Lord, I need You" by Matt Maher

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

 

 

"But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13