Electronic Priveleges: REVOKED!

We have three boys.  Active and young boys.  And I homeschool.  Just to be honest, things like the Wii, the DS, the iPad and Netflix are sometimes helpful tools when I am particularly stressed.  However 'helpful' they may be, they are privileges...not rights...at least in our home.

I've noticed lately, as we've suspended electronic activity in our home that my boys are taking on one of two roles at any given time. 

Giver and Taker. 

Now more often than not one particular child takes on the 'taker' role.  It seems he is always negotiating his brothers out of something, be it Legos or electronic privileges or outside toys.  This one seems to predominately be a taker.

Now, you can argue that his negotiating skills are wonderful and they will serve him well in adulthood.  All of which is possible.

Then you could argue that the other two are being more servant minded, and truly embodying "preferring others over themselves" as they are more often the givers.

Which, you could argue that this is a great heart-attitude to have, seeing as it is scriptural.

So, you might wonder....why am I even blogging about this?  Well, it all comes down to motives.  Is my taker motivated to be wise with what he obtains?  Or is he trying to obtain things that he covets?   Are my givers giving because they want their brothers' approval?


Now I am neither judge nor jury.  I'm not the mom so that I can judge their thoughts and intentions, rather I am here to administer grace in their lives to draw out their sin, and point them to the gospel of Christ that they would grow in the grace and knowledge of Him.

Which means I am consistently intervening when situations appear amiss, and helping my boys to work through the issues of their hearts to see their need for Christ and His grace.

But this morning, as I heard "I don't want you to have my lego anymore since you aren't being nice."  I began to think on this.   I've got givers and takers.  There are pros and cons to each role.

But what does God say?  How does God call me to live?  

Do I look at others as what I can take from them?  To put it another way, am I looking at people as instruments to use for my advantage?  How can they help me?  What can they add to my life?

Or....

Am I looking at others to see how I can be a blessing to them?  If so, am I trying to be a blessing to benefit myself?

Am I consumed by myself?  Is it possible that the sin of self preference is so deeply rooted it impacts every relationship we enter?

I'd go with a resounding  yes.

So, where my hope? How I love there words, and the older I am the deeper they resound with my soul:

My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

Remember, His grace is sufficient for us and love covers a multitude of sins.  We are not without hope, we are redeemed and forgiven, covered in Grace being refined each day for His glory!

Who did I really marry?

The other day, I was cutting my husband's hair.  As I took off at least a half inch on the sides, I revealed even more gray hair than ever before.  Then the next afternoon I proceeded to have my hair colored to cover my whites.

It has really hit me, like a ton of bricks lately.  We are aging.  Not just our kids, my mom friends and I always say, "they grow so fast try and enjoy every season."  But guess what's happening while they grow up so fast?

We are too!  Almost faster than they do, at least from outward appearances it seems.

As I cut my husband's hair, and revealed even more gray,  inwardly I was an emotional wreck.  You know, that gray hair (and my white hair), have been earned.  We haven't always had the easiest of times in our marriage...and in our short eleven years we've moved seven times, bought four houses, had three kids and my husband has changed careers once.  We've served the Lord in seven different churches and have three kids.  The three kids came within the first 5 years of our marriage.

That can be overwhelming to read, but it makes me incredibly thankful. 

July 20, 2002 as I walked down the aisle at Westside Church and said "I do." I didn't even realize what I really meant.  I thought I was marrying this perfect, amazing, Jesus loving man who would never disappoint.

Just for fun, this is our engagement picture from 2001.

Guess what?  I married a sinner.  He loves Jesus, and Jesus' grace covers him, just as it does me.  But when you put two sinners in close proximity for a prolonged period of time...guess what inevitably works it way out?  Sin.

Through the first few years of our marriage, God spoke a word to me.  When I said, "I do."

What I really said was,

"God I do trust You to hold our marriage together."

"God I do commit this marriage to You."

"God I will choose to obey what your word says about marriage, not because of my spouse, but because of You.

See, I come from a 'broken' home.  While I realize that broken is so much more than parents being divorced....I believed in my heart even before Christ saved me, that marriage could work. 

Dear friend, marriage is really about our commitment to our Lord.   Please do not misunderstand or misinterpret what I am saying.  There are certainly reasons that call for separation (be it abuse or marital unfaithfulness), but overall...God is for marriage.

When I made that commitment to my spouse all those years ago, what the Lord has shown me, is my commitment isn't really to my spouse...it's to my Lord, my spouse is just the beneficiary.  He receives all the benefits of my desire to obey God in my marriage.   That's all.

So, as I cut my husband's,  I was reminded of God's grace...eleven years.  He has kept us together, it hasn't always been sunshine and roses....but it certainly has not been all bad either.  My husband is iron to me.  He sharpens me, he isn't some super spiritual man who is a "super saint."  He's just a regular redeemed sinner, living in the abundant grace of our Savior, trying to obey God in our marriage and our family as best he knows how.

It goes fast.   We grow up fast.  Like I said, I see the evidence of my kids growing, in fact my 9 year old is almost as tall as me, and wears the same size shoe I do.  It's insane.  My "baby" is 5!  He reads, he writes, he adds and subtracts!  

Wherever did it go?  I saw my sweet husband playing catch with five boys when I came home the other evening from work.  We only have three.   He is a good man.  He wants to show these boys what a real man is.  Someone who loves Christ and makes Him known.

It blesses my heart immensely that God is a loving and patient God who just as he uses out children to teach us of His love and grace, uses our spouses to refine us as well. 

While we are certainly growing older, it's amazing to watch the Lord grow love in my heart for my spouse.

I love these verses, and I pray these encourage you:

"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth" Proverbs 5:8

and

"The Lord grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” Ruth 1:9

Embracing the Season

My oldest does his own laundry. My middle started vacuuming the house yesterday.  When I went to the doctor last week, he repeatedly called me "mature" in lieu of  "old."  To top it all off, with this past birthday, I moved up age groups...you know...with every form you fill out...when you 'check' your age group...I moved up to the next one now.  I have white hair and wrinkles.  When I run I get injured...and it sticks around.  It's not fleeting like it was in my youth.

Time flies.  People tell you that all the time. 

But no one prepares you for that moment when you look around, and see no more toddler traces.  Honestly I loved my boys when they were in the infant and toddler years.  Terrible twos did not happen at our house, all three of our boys were wonderful.  Then four came.  Four it started getting crazy.  Then five. Then six, then seven...well you get it...and each year comes with it's own unique challenges.

There are so many things I miss about their toddler years but there are also things I do not miss, like diapers, or sleepless nights.

One thing I've learned over the years of parenting is that I have to fight 'survival' mode.  The default retreat to survival mode where I just do it all so it gets done.  I think we've all been there, it's overwhelming at times being a mom.  It's hard because being a parent isn't all sunshine and roses.  Discipline, structure, and guidance aren't always smooth sailing.  In fact, rarely when you correct a toddler do you hear, "Thank you Mommy for showing me how I was wrong, I am so glad you love me enough to correct me."  

When our third son came along, our oldest was only four.   So for many years I felt in a perpetual state of survival mode.  I would go from task to task.  I would get it done, making sure all the boys had what they needed and most of the time I did everything myself.  It just went smoother that way.

What I've found when I retreat to survival mode and I just get it done, it does not help my kids.  In fact the older I get and the longer I parent, the more the Lord shows me that survival mode may as well be dubbed 'selfish mode.'  After all, I'm doing it all to make it easier on me.  Not my kids, sure it lets them shirk responsibilities...but that does absolutely nothing for them.  It is not reality.  It will not be reality.  I read this this morning:


"The grace of Christ has been given to transform me at the level of the deepest, most profound motives, thoughts, desires, purposes, perspectives, and cravings of my heart.  Christianity that does not promote a spiritually of the heart is not true biblical Christianity."  Paul Tripp.


My purposes as a believer in Christ that parents are to be in line with the way the Lord parents me.  I need to be guiding my children to see that their greatest need is for a Savior.

 I can not do that when I am in survival mode.  I can not do that when I am focused on what I don't have, what I miss (like my kids being younger), or what could be if a few changes were made.

In fact, my purposes, my perspectives and the cravings of my heart as a parent can not and will not be right and pure before God if I am not first seeking Him.

I am not promoting an apathetic approach to life.  I am echoing the words of Paul, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."  Phil. 4:11.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1, we read, "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven"   I'm entering a very different season of life.  Gone are the newlywed days, gone are the first time parent days.  Gone are the "first year homeschooler" days.  All those identities have washed away.  My husband and I are seasoned.  With each circumstance and in every season, we need to be content in where and what God has for us.

However, one thing must remain.  The identity of child of God. "One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord And to meditate in His temple."  Psalm 27:4

So, I'm embracing my white hairs, my wrinkles, my running injuries...my 'mature' age (according to my dr.) and I'm loving the fact that my children are learning responsibility.  The vacuum lines aren't always perfect, and sometimes the white shirt turns pink...but they are doing it themselves.  They are owning it!  They need the responsibilities and the opportunities to thrive...but the room to fail.  They need to see their weaknesses are made perfect by the LORD's strength.  They need to learn that a life of independence from man is dependence upon God.

That dreaded "UGLY" Cry

Sometimes you walk through something that you don't even really know you are walking through until you get through it.  Or near the end of it.

I was wondering tonight if that could possibly make any sense to anybody besides myself?

Tonight, I was running errands, doing a few last minute little things for my husband's birthday tomorrow...and there is a song that keeps playing called, "Lord, I need you."  By Matt Maher.

Can't.  Get. Over.  It.

Seriously, it takes my breath away.  Lately every time it comes on, the tears flow...and I lift my hands in Praise to Jesus.  The ugly cry takes over, and I sing with all my heart.  Yet no noise comes out.  Not one tune.  I just sing my heart out, like Hannah did, pouring her heart out before the Lord with no audible words.   "Now it came about, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli was watching her mouth.  As for Hannah, she was speaking in her heart, only her lips were moving, but her voice was not heard. So Eli thought she was drunk. Then Eli said to her, “How long will you make yourself drunk? Put away your wine from you.” But Hannah replied, “No, my lord, I am a woman oppressed in spirit; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the Lord."  1 Samuel 1:12-15

To be brief my husband and I are in a transition.  We wholeheartedly felt called to something, and served God faithfully while in that season, and recently the Lord shut that door. 

On the way back to our house, I realized that in my life, in my heart the words of a wonderful song by Chris Tomlin were slowly becoming a reality again.  They are:

I lift my hands to believe again.

You are my refuge, You are my strength

As I pour out my heart

These things, I remember

You are faithful, God, forever

 

Somewhere in the midst of doing what we believed the Lord had called us to do, something happened inside of me.  I don't know what.  I'm not there yet in this journey.  But what I do know is as I've been trekking around town for the last week or so, I've been lifting my hands.  And it's clear in my heart it is to believe again.  I've experienced Him as my refuge, I've rested completely upon His strength....I've poured out my heart without ever uttering a sound.  And there He is.  

 

Faithful.

 

So every time, "Lord, I need You" comes on, I'm that ugly-cry mess of a Mommy.  I'm all over that, because oh how I need Him.  Every. Single. Moment.

 

I don't know if you've had the blessing of hearing that song I'm referring to, but Google it, find it on YouTube....and just allow yourself to worship the Lord in the solitude of your own heart. 

 

It's possible that sometimes the Lord walks you through an experience, a trial, or maybe something good that He has called you to...just to bring you to a point where you believe again.  Not that you ever lost your faith....but maybe...sometimes in our overly complicated world, He just wants to bring you back to the basics.  Simple, pure....faith in Christ and Who He IS!

 

From "Lord, I need You" by Matt Maher

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

 

 

"But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13

 

 

 



A Green Thumb

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in my living room looking at my two plants that sit on the ground by the fireplace.  One is flourishing, and the other...well not so much.  I keep watering them both faithfully and keep waiting.  But nothing is happening to the small one.

So finally my ever so green thumb and I decide maybe I should move the plant to another room, where it can get more sunlight.  I moved it to the dining room, which seems to get more consistent natural light.  Funny thing is, I'm so concerned about this plant growing, each morning I wonder through the dining room and open the blinds to aim the sunlight right at the plant.

Guess what?  It's growing!!  Yeah, that's right!  Finally!! I feel like it's grown at least 30%.  I have no way of telling because I didn't measure it.  But I know for sure it is growing, and not only is it growing but it's stretching towards the sun...just like plants do.

Been feeling kind of down lately...spiritually.  It's like I look around at these ladies doing so much, some with way more children than I have and I wonder, what is my deal?  Why am I not getting more done.  I have goals I want to reach, things I desperately want to do...and yet they remain undone.

You know what, I'm like that little plant.  Sitting in the same spot, not getting near enough light and sitting in soggy soil.

Faithfully I have my quiet time, daily...I'm asking God to speak to my heart...and yet...I feel like I'm not hearing from Him.

And this afternoon as I wondered into the dining room to check on my sweet little spider plant, it was as the Lord said, "sweet girl, you are this plant." See, I may be doing the right things, like staying in His word and praying, but maybe just maybe...my position is off.  Maybe I'm in the wrong room.  Just like my little plant.

That plant had the same soil, same amount of sunlight, same water and even the same pot  as it's "big brother" and yet it wasn't growing.

Maybe I need to change what I'm asking the Lord for...maybe I need to fast from something or for something.  I'm not sure yet...but what I am sure of is this:

"Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

He never changes.  A popular song sings, "His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me."  But our hearts do don't they?  Jeremiah 17:9 is piercing to me in more ways than I can count,

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

So, what do these two verses and a stagnant plant have to do with anything?  Well, ever feel spiritually stuck?  Just like you want to do something for God, you want to serve Him where you are...but maybe your situation or circumstances seem to be limiting you.  You may even have prepared yourself (or so you think) to do something great...and then you sit and wait on the Lord and nothing comes.  Nothing changes.  You feel stuck.

That's when His word has to be such a part of every fiber of your being that truth just oozes forth from your soul.  It's not just a quick fix, that special verse that's your go-to pick me up (Although those are pertinent to our lives), but like James 1:21 says, "Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls."

Implanted.  Meaning "implanted by others instruction" or "engrafted"  As in God's word is implanted into who you are.

Truthfully, Jesus is the same, He does not change.  So if I don't feel like I'm hearing from God and I know He hasn't changed...then I can conclude that I have.  Maybe I need to move positions (not physically...but in my heart).  Something is not where it needs to be, His word tells us our hearts are deceitful above all else.  We've got to be careful dear sister, guarding our hearts in Him.  Cultivating faithfulness.  Stay the course, clinging to His word, and yet asking for an open heart and open ears to hear Him whisper "move child...pick up your things and get into a different room, you need more light."

So now I'm walking through my dining room, and I'm singing every time I see that plant.  "Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.."

God is good....He is faithful and He is love.

Just what am I afraid of then..

Over and over again I seem to be learning a different dimension of lessons on love.  It seems it's been a theme that the Lord has been working on me with for over a decade now.  Perhaps because love is so complicated and demands much more of ourselves than we often want to give...or perhaps because a life of studying who God really is will be centered in learning what His love really looks like lived out because God is love. (1 John 4:16).

I was reading in Revelation yesterday morning and was so challenged by this:  " But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."  Rev 2:4.

It is so easy to start off strong.  First thing in the morning we are refreshed ready to tackle the day...first day of a new job, first day of the school year...and on and on.  Loving people.  Loving the lost.  Loving the family of God.  Always easy......at first.  But then what?  Often....we have unmet expectations.  Sometimes in our minds we expect certain things, be it results based on our contributions to various people causes or events...or behavior changes in the lives of those we invest in...or maybe even sometimes we just simply expect the same loving attitude in return.

I was reading through Revelation and it's interesting as the Lord was commending the churches...suddenly He says, "but...I have this against you...that you abandoned the love you had at first.."

There's a song, by Addison Road and one of the lines goes like this, "If everything comes down to love...then just what am I afraid of."

I think if I'm honest....because of Christ in me, it can be very easy to extend love towards others especially when my heart is focused on the Lord, on doing what He wants...on pleasing Him....and because I know the depths of my own sin...I was there.  I know how I've sinned against the Lord...and so there is this overwhelming gratitude to Christ for His forgiveness, because it is 'much' in my life..

"Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”  Luke 7:47

How can I not love out of the overflow of what the Lord has done for me?   Honestly...this is what we should ask ourselves when we feel we are in a position where we simply can not extend the love that we are biblically called to extend.

But what happens...judgement creeps in, fear of man creeps in, self-righteousness creeps in...comparision creeps in...all sorts of behaviors and attitudes creep into our minds and battle for our hearts to follow after them rather than after the Lord we love so.

We become afraid...if I love too much will people think I'm weird?  If I extend love to her...will others reject me too?   Perhaps....those thoughts may be true...people might judge you, they may shun you...but I know based on Scripture that the Lord Himself will never leave you and you will never be able to out-love God.  His love for us is life changing.

Could you imagine the impact the church would have it we would come together in love?  Honestly...if the body of Christ...not just Baptists or Lutherans or Community Churches...but if the true body of Christ would lay aside doctrinal strife...and come together in love and unity and love on a lost world?

Sweet sojourner,  "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

I encourage you to faithfully ask the Lord to increase and overflow His love in your heart for His glory.  Let's impact our world by oozing the love of the One who loves us without limit.

praising my Savior!!

Yesterday was June 5th. It was my only Aunt's birthday, a Sunday...and a pretty hot day here in the south. But to me it was a very special day. Sixteen years ago, the Lord drew me to Himself through the truth of the gospel, and after attending the Harvest Crusade at Anaheim Stadium, I went home, and in the quietness of my room, not knowing much other than what Jesus did on the Cross, for me...I asked Him to save me. Without even reading through Romans 10, I was crying out the words to Him. Confessing with my mouth, believing in my heart that Jesus was the Son of God, had been born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, and died a death on the cross, that...I myself...a wretch, a sinner really deserved....a Savior Who defeated death, and was resurrected and now lives!!

I kept reminiscing about how amazing the Lord is. I think, oh the mistakes I've made....the idiot I have been. Then I keep resting in the confidence that there is NOTHING impossible for Him!! God has taken my life, my messed up self and transformed my messes for His glory. He has led me through things so that I am able to testify of His goodness and grace!! I'm not perfect...I just happen to know the Savior Who is!! I've learned in my sixteen years as His child, that I'm going to mess up....it's inevitable. My life isn't guaranteed to be easy...but I do know that when all is said and done, my life is in His hands. He can be trusted, He will be there for me, He loves me more than I understand or could ever fathom.

I don't have to have all the answers, I just have to live trusting that He is Who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do.

Who is this God? The One who loves me unconditionally, saves my from not only sin and death, but from myself? This is the One and Only Living God. This is the true God..this is the Prince of Peace who wraps His loving arms around His children. Who thinks of us before we even know Him....

"For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13-14.

Do you know Him? Sweet friend, do you know my Jesus? This is the Jesus who died on that cross for you! This is the God of the universe... "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

This is the God who calls us, who woos us, who relentlessly pursues our hearts because of His great love..."The Lord preserves the simplehearted, when I was in great need, He saved me." Psalm 116:6

“But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim: If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:8-13


Dear friends, if you have not...run to Jesus!!! "Never will He leave you, nor will He forsake you!" Hebrews 13:5

Lord, make me a "doer!"

"I've said it for years, there is nothing good that God brings into your life by way of transformation that He doesn't bring through the funnel of perseverance. If God can get that one characteristic into your life, He can truly make you what He wants you to be." James MacDonald.

So about three months ago my husband and I started this journey through a career transition. It seems like it's been an eternity...at least in my mind. One of my favorite authors once wrote, "the primary battlefield is the mind." The last three months have been an intense battle and I can honestly say overall...I've been living in the victory that Christ has provided. I have had some very low points...a few days where instead of constantly surrounding myself with the Word, with TRUTH, I chose to allow my mind to wonder and embrace the sin of worry. So many times we write off our worrying as just part of who we are, but that's not true. Worry is a sin, the Lord says, "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 are you ready for this? Okay..the tense of this phrase (do not worry) is the aorist subjunctive being used as an imperative...which means in plain English..."usually forbidding an action not in progress and thus commands that it not be started." We are commanded not to worry.

After I had my day an a half of a self-focused sinful pity party, the Lord in His amazing graciousness, brought me back into focus with the truths of His word, from 1 Peter 4:19..."Therefore those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a FAITHFUL Creator in doing what is right." (emphasis mine)

Oh how I had sinned against the Lord, in allowing worry to invade my heart and mind, and not trusting my soul to my FAITHFUL Creator. God created me, my heart mind soul and body, and yet here I am not trusting it to Him. Isn't that what worry is? We start contemplating all the endless possibilities..failing to focus on the truth of WHO God is and taking captive our minds to His word. Does that mean at times I need to be in His word without a break...YES! For me, it does. That means I must abandon my daily living...laundry...dishes..whatever (with the obvious exception that I will not neglect my husband or my children) and seek the Lord. I love this in Jeremiah, "And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." Jer. 29:13 I (we) must refuse to allow the flesh to win, I must, ladies we must sow to the Spirit as Paul writes in Galatians 6:8, "For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life."

I love how greatly I've failed...only because I can see the depths of the kindness of the riches of the forgiveness of my Savior! I love how the Lord has allowed me to see the self righteousness that was creeping in slowly and trying to settle into my heart. I'm rebuking my flesh! I'm embracing God's word and His will and I am trusting my heart and my soul to my FAITHFUL creator who loves me more than I can ever grasp and will complete the good work that He began in me because He ALONE is faithful!!

O LORD HOW I LONG TO BE A "DOER" Ladies, cry out with me that we would be radically different by the grace of Christ and "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not mere hearers who delude themselves." James 1:22

While You're Waiting

What do you do while you are waiting on the Lord? There's a newer song out, "While I'm Waiting" and some of the lines are:

While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I've "watched" myself the last month as my husband and I have waited on the Lord for a very specific answer, I've wavered, I've failed, I've thrived and I've encouraged. I've been then man in the gospel of Mark, "I do believe; help my unbelief." Mark 9:24b I've wept before the Lord asking for forgiveness and strength to simply trust and obey...and it's been hard. See this waiting over the last month, has actually been a culmination of prayers for my husband that began over four years ago. I think when you pray for something over a period of years you start at some point to grow weary. Which is ridiculous when you look to the Word and see Who our God is! So as I wavered through such a variety of emotions from peace to nervousness, from confusion to brokenness, I wondered what does the Lord think of my ups and downs. I was and am that man, I do believe, LORD HELP my unbelief. I believe God is Sovereign and I believe even if I pray for something and I want a yes, and God gives me a no, His answer is always best, His will is always perfect and His timing is always timeless! He is God and I am NOT! I am thankful that knowing and trusting in God means that my hope and my future is secure, my circumstances here on earth will change, and I will walk through valleys and hike mountain tops, but the certainty I have in my life is solely because of Christ's accomplishment on Calvary and the more I know myself..the more thankful I am because I know the depths of my sin, and it was for my sin that He stayed on the cross! Our God is amazing.


As I was going through the ranges of emotions, ladies I have to boast in the Lord, He was SO good to me. Bringing scripture to my mind almost constantly. Jeremiah 29:11, "plans to give you a hope and a future." The precious words from 1 Peter 5:7, "Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." And as I would pray to the Lord, the sweet words of our brother Daniel, I cried out to God, "O my God, incline Your ear and hear! Open Your eyes and see our desolations and the city which is called by Your name; for we are not presenting our supplications before You on account of any merits of our own, but on account of Your great compassion. "O Lord, hear! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, listen and take action! For Your own sake, O my God, do not delay, because Your city and Your people are called by Your name." Daniel 9:18-19

The Lord in His graciousness even brought me to some amazing new verses, He is so good! I fell in love with this verse from Psalm 138:8, "The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands." It was just time after time of assurance that whatever answer God had my for my husband and I and our family, the answer would be completely perfect, and I had to rest in that. I have been enveloped by God's kindness, graciousness, goodness and love. It, has been steady and firm. God Himself never changes...and I've been humbled to the point of complete brokenness before Him as I've seen how incredibly disgusting I am as a sinner. I waver, I change, I sin, I go from praises to despair. What I am seeing more and more clearly daily is the reality of Romans 3:10 in my life, "as it is written, "THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE"

I think sometimes as Christians we get away from an "Attitude of Gratitude" as one of my past Sunday school teachers once said. I want to run the race and finish strong...more importantly in my every day life I long to savor the moments, and live in them living them out in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (Phil. 1:27). I want to behave and live in a manner that shows people my citizenship is in heaven (Phil 3:20). But I can not do that, only God in me can, by the power of the Holy Spirit! I am so grateful for His sacrifice and so thankful that the God of all the universe uplifts me when I fail, and forgives me. I'm so thankful that as I've been nervous or anxious lately..or struggled with my thoughts, entertaining the "what ifs" that God in His abundant mercy has consistently brought His word to my mind. Ladies, I want to encourage you to embrace your identity, and it's so simple:

"See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and {such} we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1

Hold fast to the word of God DIVE into it daily, seriously look into investing into a smaller sized bible so you can always carry one with you, and savor the 10 minutes you have in the car line as a gift from God to have extra time in His word with Him!

Ladies I have to testify to the Lord, He has put His word in my heart and He has brought it to my remembrance as I desperately needed it. "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you." John 14:26 The Lord has done this in my heart so incredibly over the course of this "waiting" I'm more in love with Him today because of the waiting. Was the waiting easy? Well, looking back yeah relatively...but going through it no, at times it was very hard.

Funny thing is, as I started this blog, we had not yet heard an answer...I was still waiting...and now...at the close of this entry, God has spoken, He has shown us His answer. I'm praising Him for it, trusting Him for the outcome. The answer given us ensures that the next few years will be filled with ups and downs and a fervency in prayer that will draw our family closer to Him. I'm thankful for it all. God is good and His will is perfect! I am just so very grateful that the Lord Himself allows me to know Him, and to know that every single little detail rests in His hand and Christ is at the throne as my advocate praying for me (1 John 2:1), for all His children...Christ is sustaining me!

Ladies, as you wait on Him, try to rest in Him, if you find yourself anxious...draw on His word, pray it back to Him, lay it down at His feet. Moment by moment. I think that God desires our hearts above all, even if that means a constant surrender moment by moment to His will.

* all Scripture is from the New American Standard