My oldest does his own laundry. My middle started vacuuming the house yesterday. When I went to the doctor last week, he repeatedly called me "mature" in lieu of "old." To top it all off, with this past birthday, I moved up age groups...you know...with every form you fill out...when you 'check' your age group...I moved up to the next one now. I have white hair and wrinkles. When I run I get injured...and it sticks around. It's not fleeting like it was in my youth.
Time flies. People tell you that all the time.
But no one prepares you for that moment when you look around, and see no more toddler traces. Honestly I loved my boys when they were in the infant and toddler years. Terrible twos did not happen at our house, all three of our boys were wonderful. Then four came. Four it started getting crazy. Then five. Then six, then seven...well you get it...and each year comes with it's own unique challenges.
There are so many things I miss about their toddler years but there are also things I do not miss, like diapers, or sleepless nights.
One thing I've learned over the years of parenting is that I have to fight 'survival' mode. The default retreat to survival mode where I just do it all so it gets done. I think we've all been there, it's overwhelming at times being a mom. It's hard because being a parent isn't all sunshine and roses. Discipline, structure, and guidance aren't always smooth sailing. In fact, rarely when you correct a toddler do you hear, "Thank you Mommy for showing me how I was wrong, I am so glad you love me enough to correct me."
When our third son came along, our oldest was only four. So for many years I felt in a perpetual state of survival mode. I would go from task to task. I would get it done, making sure all the boys had what they needed and most of the time I did everything myself. It just went smoother that way.
What I've found when I retreat to survival mode and I just get it done, it does not help my kids. In fact the older I get and the longer I parent, the more the Lord shows me that survival mode may as well be dubbed 'selfish mode.' After all, I'm doing it all to make it easier on me. Not my kids, sure it lets them shirk responsibilities...but that does absolutely nothing for them. It is not reality. It will not be reality. I read this this morning:
"The grace of Christ has been given to transform me at the level of the deepest, most profound motives, thoughts, desires, purposes, perspectives, and cravings of my heart. Christianity that does not promote a spiritually of the heart is not true biblical Christianity." Paul Tripp.
My purposes as a believer in Christ that parents are to be in line with the way the Lord parents me. I need to be guiding my children to see that their greatest need is for a Savior.
I can not do that when I am in survival mode. I can not do that when I am focused on what I don't have, what I miss (like my kids being younger), or what could be if a few changes were made.
In fact, my purposes, my perspectives and the cravings of my heart as a parent can not and will not be right and pure before God if I am not first seeking Him.
I am not promoting an apathetic approach to life. I am echoing the words of Paul, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." Phil. 4:11.
In Ecclesiastes 3:1, we read, "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven" I'm entering a very different season of life. Gone are the newlywed days, gone are the first time parent days. Gone are the "first year homeschooler" days. All those identities have washed away. My husband and I are seasoned. With each circumstance and in every season, we need to be content in where and what God has for us.
However, one thing must remain. The identity of child of God. "One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord And to meditate in His temple." Psalm 27:4
So, I'm embracing my white hairs, my wrinkles, my running injuries...my 'mature' age (according to my dr.) and I'm loving the fact that my children are learning responsibility. The vacuum lines aren't always perfect, and sometimes the white shirt turns pink...but they are doing it themselves. They are owning it! They need the responsibilities and the opportunities to thrive...but the room to fail. They need to see their weaknesses are made perfect by the LORD's strength. They need to learn that a life of independence from man is dependence upon God.
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