I Confess: I'm the Clean Home Mom

Lately my newsfeeds are filled with articles about messy homes and the women who have them, not being judged and how they are living life and won't feel guilty about having a messy home because it means their house is lived in. 

Well, I must confess.  I'm that clean home mom.  Yup.  You can drop by my house any hour of the day and chances are....it'll be relatively clean, if not really clean.

My kids are living life.  They are playing non-stop, they are getting homeschooled, they are creating and making messes and breaking things, spilling things, dropping things, throwing things, and building things.  They are all over all the time.  They eat without ceasing and leave trails of evidence even with my best efforts to teach cleanliness.  All the while, I'm 'managing' my home, pursuing my writing dreams, teach classes at our co-op, studying, training for a half marathon, cooking, helping my husband recover from knee surgery...and I'm still cleaning.

You see, I'm doing the cleaning for two people...and only one physically resides in my home.

I'm that one.  I'm the one who lives here and experiences the messes daily.  But I'm also the one who feels peaceful when things are in order.  I enjoy clean counter-tops, although they aren't always ready to be eaten off of.  I enjoy a clean floor, or dusted furniture.  I like to wake up to clean dishes in the dishwasher instead of dirty ones.  I like empty laundry baskets, instead of full ones.

All those things done mean that I've had to ability to do them.  I've been blessed with the health to be able to walk through a home and care for a family that an amazing God has provided.  I get to wash the never ending loads of dirty clothes for three amazing boys that He has entrusted me with.  I get to iron the wrinkly shirts of a husband who works with all his heart to provide for our amazing little family.

The other person I clean for is the Lord.  Yes, I'm sure that sounds like a cliche but that's okay, because the Lord worked something amazing in my heart the first few years of parenting that has given me a fresh perspective on keeping our home clean.

 Bottom line, I'm somewhat type-A, in fact I had a friend once say "You're type A+" I like order and cleanliness and so when I started having kids and staying home I figured it would be a cinch to keep the house clean, I mean I'm home so I've got all the time in the world.....

Have you ever heard that saying, "You're the perfect parent until you become one?"

Well.  Reality kicked in when our oldest was 20 months old and we welcomed our second son.  Then just 30 months later we welcomed another.

I used to allow frustration with things being out of order navigate my mood.  Chaos and clutter don't mesh well with type-A.  But the Lord in His kindness began to speak to my heart about the messes and the peace I felt from having a clean home.  Just because things are physically in order in your home, doesn't mean they are spiritually in order in your heart.  If having a clean home has become an idol then the value you ascribe to the clean home will supercede the value you ascribe to God.  Our God is our provider, the giver of all gifts.  He is the One who grants the ability to clean.

He provides the messes to clean and the ones who cause the mess.   He is the One who made me, and gave me the personality that I have.  So He is the One I must trust to marry my personality with His word to live a life that expresses His grace and love to those around me.  He does all of it for a purpose.

As my kids entered the toddler years and I felt all I did was walk from one mess to another to tidy up, the Lord began to set me free from myself and my need to clean as a way to create a peaceful environment, and lead me towards trusting in Him to create the peace in our home.  As Phil 4:7 says, "the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

See then I was cleaning to create peace, now I clean as an act of gratefulness to the unseen resident of our home.  The Prince of Peace.  The Lord.  The one who owns it all.  

"For every beast of the forest is Mine,
The cattle on a thousand hills.

  I know every bird of the mountains,
And everything that moves in the field is Mine.
If I were hungry I would not tell you,
For the world is Mine, and all it contains."

Psalm 50:10-12

We receive our mail here, and we pay the mortgage note, utilities and taxes...but it's all God's.  He is like the landlord, and we are the renters.  My heart has transitioned from Type-A about cleaning to Type G.  Grateful.   Grateful for the three little warriors I've got living their lives in this place making the messes that I get to clean.  The messes that as they age, they are learning to be responsible for and clean up so they can grow into mature responsible men one day.

So chances are, when you drop by my house it'll be clean.  Not because I'm better than anyone.  Not because my kids aren't living life.  Not because I'm a control freak and can't handle things out of order.  Simply because I want to live my life with an attitude of gratitude for the One who has done more for me than I could ever do for anyone else.  I want to use what He has put into our care for Him, I want everything we have to be ready for Him to pick up and direct.

And if you have me over to your house and it's a mess...I won't care.  Remember in the Word it says:

"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."   James 4:17

and 

"One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind."  Romans 14:5 

I keep our home clean because of what the Lord has impressed on my heart, not because it looks good for others.  When I see others with clean homes or others with 'messy' homes I am reminded of how infinite our God is in His creation.  We are all unique.  Which means though we possess similarities we are all different, and Praise Him for it!!

So as a clean home mom, I'd ask....don't come to my house and feel weird because it is clean and please don't think for a second you need to clean to have me over simply because my house is clean.   

  

I'm in the land of the sticky

Yesterday I had some special time with our youngest.  As a family we try to carve out individual time for each kid with my husband and I and we call it a "special date."   So our youngest is four and the things that come out of his mouth are quite comical.  Constantly. 

For example, we pull into a parking lot yesterday and had to drive slowly around a giant goose.  He looks at it and says, "Hey Mom, a goose...just like Duck-duck-goose...now my head wants to play duck duck goose."  If he thinks something he says it...and it cracks me up.

Needless to say, we are training him that speaking your mind is only good when it honors God.  After all, our thoughts aren't all good, and therefore everything we think we shouldn't necessarily speak.  We have to filter our thoughts through what God's word tells us is speech that honors Him and then choose our words carefully.  But, at four, for the most part his unfiltered thoughts are pretty entertaining.

So after our errands, he asked for a Cliff Bar and proceeded to eat it on the way home.  As I looked at him in the rearview mirror I realized he was enjoying the bar immensely.  He locks eyes with me and says, "Mommy it's like I'm in the land of the sticky...a sticky mess and I'm going to need a wipe again."

After laughing to myself...I kept thinking over his words.  Isn't sin just like the 'land of the sticky"  It becomes a sticky mess that ensnares us, gets us dirtier than we'd ever want to be and most definitely creates a need for a cleansing.  Proverbs 5:22 tells us, "The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin."  God calls for holiness in our lives, lives cleansed from sin.  That cleansing can only come from Jesus.  We can grab at 'wipes' the world offers to clean up our own messes....but it's not until our soul cries out, "Create in me a pure heart O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me" as David did in Psalm 51:10 that the Lord Himself will take away all the 'stickiness' of sin, all the shame, the guilt, the failures.

The older I get and the longer I walk with the Lord, I am absolutely stunned by the depths of the cross.  Christ's intentional sacrifice to cleanse our sins.  He chose to provide forgiveness for us and He didn't stop there, He washed our sins away, cleansed us from all the residual stickiness and stands us up on solid ground.  He redeems the sinner, and He grants us grace and favor to honor Him even in the midst of our sinful flesh.  He takes up residence in our hearts through the Holy Spirit and enables us to chose not to sin.

Next time you're tempted to get into a sticky mess of sin or when the log is removed from your eye and you come to agree with God that you are struggling with a sin simply cry out to Him, just as David did.   He will forgive, restore and redeem.  That's our God.  He is a God of restoration, healing, redemption and forgiveness. 

It feels good to be cleansed from all the stickiness.

That's an awful big mess to clean.

What if doing our best meant actually pouring ourselves out...just forsaking all that is in the sinful flesh and truly depending on the Lord. 

You might be hesitant to just pour yourself our before the Lord...you might worry about the mess you'll have as you confess sin, and pride and you deal with the depths of a depraved mind and heart.  But guess what?  No matter the mess...you aren't the one cleaning it up.  In fact...the One who is cleaning up the mess...is the only One who can take your ugly disgusting stinking mess and turn it into a beautiful shining testament of God's glory!  Just like the messes of spilled milk, sometimes it's layers upon layers of cleaning until you get to the very bottom of the mess and see that shiny floor again.
 
The Lord is so gracious to our family, because as we go through the dailyness of life and the turmoil of trying circumstances...He constantly  draws us before Him, and uses His word to search our hearts.  Not only that, but He continually calls us to search our own motives.  Sometimes we want something so bad, we can get so clouded by self-righteous ideas...and justifications for our wants that we can't see the forest through the trees so to speak.

Over and over as I've been praying for our family, both my immediate and extended...the Lord has graciously brought to mind Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

Sometimes I'm tempted to "justify" myself.  Share my true motives and heart.  Sometimes it is appropriate...sometimes it's not.  Let's be honest...most of the time when we feel we have to justify ourselves or our actions it's out of fear of man or pride.  Either man's judgement on our actions (whether real live actions or perceived....I'm sure we've all experienced both).....or the slander and viciousness of others that for one reason or another may not be our biggest fan stir within our hearts a desire to clarify things.

The older I get, the more constant the Lord speaks to my heart about compassion.  Perhaps the one who is so quick to judge me for my sin, is inwardly struggling with that very same sin and has yet to remove the plank.  Perhaps....the one who so quickly assigns sinful actions to my account...themselves are guilty of that very sin.  Perhaps...we ought to spend more time looking in the mirror of God's word than the companions in our household of faith...after all...Christ Himself is the standard..not other believers.

I love in Romans 12, the "subtitle" of the section this verse comes from in my bible is "Marks of a True Christian"  Somewhere along the journey dear friend, Jesus is calling you to lay down the fight for your "self" and to simply choose love, grace and TRUTH.  That truth comes from the Word of God.  And the only way we can ensure that the word will be on our lips..is if it is truly in our hearts.  It gets there not by osmosis dear friend, it gets there by passionately pursuing Christ in His word!

Next time your mouth or in our day and age...your fingers (via text...email...twitter...facebook....or whichever social media you choose) is tempted to run rampant with judgement....why not stop..and pause...and PRAY...asking the Lord for compassion on the one you are passing judgement on....grace to REMOVE your own log....and perseverance to truly empty ourselves at the cross and make His priorities ours.

If I'm going to err in my walk with Christ, let it be said that I trusted Him too much, let it be said that I extended too much grace, let it be said I loved to passionately.  Not that I cast stones of judgement freely at the body of Christ, the family of God.

Sweet sweet sojourner....it is the very love of Christ that MUST control us...2 Corinthians 5:14

....get up...engage and get moving....

So, I love to exercise.  Well, I like it..I love how I feel after the soreness goes away.  I've been a fairly active person throughout my life, I actually played basketball throughout my youth.  You would think then, that my body "knows" how to do exercises...but alas...even this morning as I was doing one particular ab exercise, I had to "tell" my abs to wake up engage and get moving!  It's funny...I realize that might actually sound ridiculous to you.  I tell my muscles to get going.  But for whatever reason post c-sections, I've had to engage my mind in getting my abdominal muscles to work.

This morning as I was telling my abs...'wake up and do this!'  the Lord spoke softly to my heart....that's what I've been telling you for years.  Get up, engage and get moving!!!  Thank you Lord for your kindness...you soft whispers...Your loud shouts...Your willingness to actively pursue a sinner like me!!

It seems funny to me that over certain seasons of our lives we will deal with particular sins....we will run to God and His word and experience tremendous victory over sin as we actively pursue Him...remember, 1 Cor 10:3-4 ...the battle we fight is not of this world but in the spiritual realm and the strength we have is divinely powerful!!!

I remember as I first committed to living for Christ and then told my family, I heard all sorts of comments but one stuck with my so vividly, I can hear it as if it were yesterday.."Oh...it's just a phase you'll grow out of it."

Ouch!  As I look back, not only do I know through the word of God that that statement was foolish, but I can clearly see the judgement...  Yes, from an unbeliever.  It's painful...and especially when it comes from a loved one.  You can be so thrilled about Jesus and that excitement can (momentarily) be quenched when a dear loved one pronounces judgement on you so harsh as that.  Belittling the very life that has renewed and redeemed you.  It's a tough pill to swallow.

...as I see the Lord working actively in my life..that was only the beginning.  That was the beginning of the Lord dealing with my heart about a judgmental spirit in me.  Sometimes...I honestly believe that the Lord allows us to actually experience the very same sin we struggle with in order to develop a godly compassion for those who struggle with it, and to develop a pure heart that cries out to God for deliverance for others from the very sins we were in bondage to.

Trust me, it's never fun being on the receiving end of someone's sinful actions.  That goes for any sin...not just anger or gossip....being judged...receiving unkind words..being lied to....and the list rolls on doesn't it?

God is faithful, clearly..God works miracles...I am a sinner redeemed! 

I've been studying through James in my quiet time, and this in the "God's Word Translation" says it best...

"All of us make a lot of mistakes. If someone doesn’t make any mistakes when he speaks, he would be perfect. He would be able to control everything he does."  James 3:2

The growth I believe comes as you can clearly discern sin in others...and out of a pure heart pray for them.  Exercising self control and not speaking judgement on others often blesses hearts and saves relationships...more often than we could ever imagine.

What does it look like to with a pure heart pray for the sins of others?  Well, personally...I believe it comes when you have a heart that is truly at peace with God and you forgive the hurt their sin has caused you and you desire for them to be free from that sin so they can experience Christ in a fresh way...OVER the desire for self vindication or self justification.

Tough. Pill. To. Swallow.

Truly desiring a brother or sister in Christ to be free from sin instead of "getting even"

I encourage you dear sister, look to your Creator and embrace His truth...

"But the Lord told Samuel, “Don’t look at his appearance or how tall he is, because I have rejected him. God does not see as humans see. Humans look at outward appearances, but the Lord looks into the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7


Why this verse?  For me this is a resting place.  A truth that I hold very dear to my heart.  I've been the one looking at the outward of others, I been (and still am and will be) judged by my outward...but my confidence, my trust and my identity are rooted solely in Christ.  Not man.  What the Lord thinks of me is what is true.  Who the Lord tells me I am is really who I am...not what others think, judge or perceive.

Sometimes, I have to tell my mind...wake up...engage and get MOVING.  Just do what God has called you to do..don't 'sit a spell' in the judgment of others.  Don't wallow in that pit.  Step out, look up and trust with unwavering confidence...the Lord, He is my God.  He is my Rock and He is faithful!

This is our mission ladies:  "For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ."   Galatians 1:10

While we are trying our best to live at peace with all men (and women) as God calls us to, we are ever aware that our purpose is to live a life pleasing to God.  Remember it is the Lord Christ we serve!!!

Update..finally!

I feel like it's been forever since I blogged.  So..I thought I'd jump in with both feet and give an update about our house situation, it's been a long time...and all through it the Lord was so gracious and has grown our family and showed His provision in ways we never expected.  As He often does when we take that first step of faith.  We take that first step, and He meets us there..in that moment..in that circumstance and changes us.  Maybe not in ways we wanted, liked or expected.  But in ways we EXACTLY needed.  He just does that because He is GOD!!  There is no other!

So, I sit here today..blogging...from our new home.  From start to finish this move, which began with listing our home in Greer January 1, 2011...and came to a close on June 28, 2012 when we closed on our new home.....has been intense.  It's been stretching...it's been stressful...but all through it, we've said we didn't know what the Lord was up to, but we knew...if we kept praying and asking...He would show us.

We were very very blessed to live with my in laws for two months.  It was supposed to be three weeks, and those three weeks came and went..and turned into eight.  Which was a lot.  So there is so much that happened in those eight weeks..but bottom line:  I've got amazing in-laws who truly live out a sacrificial life for Christ without regard to themselves.

As we were reading through paperwork on the new house...we saw that they started construction on this house on January 27, 2012.   I know that's a small detail....and may seem insignificant.  But I've been "waiting" a lot lately...and I think sometimes when we wait on the Lord, and it takes longer than we expect...we begin to wonder...what really is going on.  We ask ourselves and God question after question.

Did you catch that we listed our home January 1, 2011?

Yet our new home, that meets all of our needs, allows us to minister to others and is something that neither my husband or I ever thought we would be able to afford....didn't even EXIST when we first started our journey to Simpsonville.

Sometimes the destination isn't ready when you start the journey...and yet God brings you to it, and walks with you through it....graciously and lovingly He walked us through this transition.

Over and over again, the Lord brought to my mind James 1:6, "But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."

Over and over again over the last 18 months I fought doubt.  I fought in my mind an intense quiet battle.  Sometimes crippling.  Isn't our mind a crazy place?

As I wrestled all these things in my mind, I became resolute to stick to my Lord and His word and I recited these verses to myself over and over again:

 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor 10:5

and

^" Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things"  Phil 4:8

So, although it may appear to the world, and those without Christ, our "reward" is the physical house we now live in....and to an extent it is, we treasure the Lord of love and grace, who taught us, walked with us, upheld us, encouraged us and blessed us more in our hearts than anything over the last 18 months.

So here is a photo of our home...this is all to the Lord's glory...praising Him for His goodness and grace, for His patience towards our stubborn hearts and His amazing provision!!

The riches of the forgiveness of our Lord!

"I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD;' and You forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:5

Christ's sacrifice alone allows our sins to be forgiven. "For it was fitting for us to have such a high priest, holy, innocent, undefiled, separated from sinners and exalted above the heavens; who does not need daily, like those high priests, to offer up sacrifices, first for His own sins and then for the sins of the people, because this He did once for all when He offered up Himself." Hebrews 7:26-27

In Psalm 32:5 my heart is revived by the the forgiveness of Christ. We see that not only does He forgive our sins ("As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12), but He forgives the guilt of them too. In this verse, guilt means: depravity, the guilt or punishment of iniquity. We all know that sin has consequences, and we have all at one point or another in our lives, struggled with harboring the guilt that comes from sin. When we truly receive the lovingkindness of the LORD and really live out repentance, we see how rich His forgiveness is. He reaches to the depths of us.

I am in awe that the Lord, knows the depths of my heart, my sinful heart (Jer. 17:9) and He still goes after my heart. He goes there. He knows how disgusting it is and yet He, Holy and Perfect and Righteous, goes into it and lovingly, bit by bit cleans it out. He creates in me a pure heart (psalm 51:10).

What I am so captivated by with this passage is how God's word shows us that everything we are, everything we do starts and finishes with God alone. His forgiveness, HIS grace, HIS love. It is all HIM!! It is His kindness that leads us to repentance, in His word we see our sin for what it really is, it is His Holy Spirit that works in us to regenerate our hearts and purify us, it is His forgiveness that cleanses us from sin. Our omniscience God, knew that we would not only need our sins forgiven but also the guilt associated with them too. Sometimes guilt overwhelms us and leads us away from Calvary. We harbor it in our hearts, not fully accepting the reality of Christ's forgiveness. We judge ourselves and our sins so harshly that sometimes we fail to truly lay it down and just simply trust that the perfect forgiveness Christ offers is complete. We are right in examining ourselves and asking the Lord to cleanse us from sin, but we can quickly go wrong when we judge or condemn ourselves. We ought to be grieved by our sin, that is the work of God in us!! But, we must readily accept His forgiveness and beg for His grace to live in newness of life!!


Oh, how I judge myself!! I second guess myself, I struggle with "feeling" unforgiven so I left emotions rule rather than truth at times. I am thankful that repentance starts with Him. The payment He offered for my life overwhelms my heart with a myriad of emotions. I think sometimes as believers we need to meditate on the completeness of Christ's forgiveness and we can only do that in His word.

"BLESSED ARE THOSE WHOSE LAWLESS DEEDS HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN, AND WHOSE SINS HAVE
BEEN COVERED." Romans 4:7

Praise the Lord for His great mercy!

"O LORD, surely I am Your servant, I am Your servant, the son of Your handmaid, You have loosed my bonds. To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving, And call upon the name of the LORD." Psalm 116:16-17

Slowly, I believe I am finally coming around to see even more of the goodness of our God. The depths of the goodness of our God are unfathomable, and I think to keep our minds and hearts from exploding God lovingly reveals Himself to us bit by bit. HE IS GOOD! I read through Psalm 116 this afternoon and was so thrilled to be in it. One of my life verses is Psalm 116:6, "The LORD preserves the simplehearted, when I was in great need He saved me." (NIV) Oh how I remember how I can recall the depths of my sin against the LORD. So as I was reading through this Psalm, verse 16 and 17 really got my attention. I thought, how great is our God? He has loosed my bonds (all of them). In the original language, loosed means to be open, to free. The Lord, in His love, set us free from our bonds.

I once had a dear sister tell me, "I don't need to study about being set free from sin because I've never really struggled with any 'bad' sin." My heart broke. How deceived this dear sister was, and how easily distracted and deceived we can all become, clouded by our own self-righteousness, we fail to recognize the "everyday sins." In this amazing book I am reading, the author, Jerry Bridges calls them, "Respectable Sins." The ones we tolerate...like gossip, but it's not gossip..it's a prayer request. Or irritability that looks somewhat like road rage and a short tempered spouse. Or even, dare I say complacency in our Christian life because we are simply too tired or busy to prioritize prayer and reading Scripture the way we should? I echo the words of our brother Paul, in 2 Timothy 1:15, "It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all." I am foremost of all!! Oh Lord, YOUR mercy is great!!!

But God's word clearly says here, that He has loosed our bonds!! Bonds in this verse is the same word used in Nahum 1:13, "So now, I will break his yoke bar from upon you, And I will tear off your shackles." God Himself tears off our shackles. He breaks the bonds. The bonds of being a slave to the "fear of man." What will others think if I am friends with her? How will my children respect my authority if I apologize to them for losing my temper? What if she won't be my friend anymore because I lovingly offer God's word as a rebuke (and at that, am I lovingly offering it or self-righteously offering it)? FREE ladies. We are FREE from that! We are free from the worries of the world! We are free from the stresses of life.

"So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36 (free from the dominion of sin in the original Greek). I say that not in the sense of giving ourselves an excuse to continue on in sin, our brother Paul quickly admonishes us otherwise (Romans 6:1). And never giving us an excuse to not obey the Holy Spirit and God's word. We must hide it in our hearts so that we can live by it, and just because we are free in Christ, does not mean we should not offer apologies and seek restitution and reconciliation where needed, on the contrary we clearly must, but not for the wrong motive..of just appearing holy before others, but for the right motive..the desire to DO what the Lord has set out for us to do in His word!!! (James 1:22)

So rather, I encourage us...let us embrace the freedom of Christ, to love with reckless abandon, seek reconciliation as needed, to seek forgiveness from sins, especially those "respectable sins." To apologize to our children, to model Jesus before the world without regard to what men think of us. Let us redeem the time for Christ!!

I am so overwhelmed with the love of God. I can not fathom the depths of His love, the riches of His mercy and yet...He extends it to me, through CHRIST!!!

The question then becomes..not how can you forgive someone, how can you love someone, but as a believer in Christ, the question is then..how can we NOT? Look at what Christ Himself has done for you and I!

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Studying through Romans I've just been completely captivated by this "Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" Romans 2:4 (NAS). For awhile now, I feel like I've been going through a season of repentance. It's almost as if every day as I read through the pages of God's word He has been confronting me with my own sinfulness. That may sound depressing, but really it's been so freeing, because "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6 I am so thankful that God does not leave me alone.

This past week it just seems I am struggling more and more with my oldest son...with his outright disrespect and defiance. This morning, no sooner than 45 minutes into our day together, he starts his "routine" fit. I responded with our typical steps of disciplining...and it wasn't getting through to him..so I carried him to his room and told him it'd be best for our whole family if he would sit there till he calmed down. Upset, frustrated and seriously just at a loss, I went to my room to pray..I was just so overwhelmed with him and his behavior. I begged God for change in my son (isn't that how we are too often?) and for wisdom...and then headed back into his room. I just looked at his sweet face and completely broke down in tears, I told him how sorry I was for not disciplining him with the right heart and for the right reasons. And this sweet precious 4 year old got down from his bed and wrapped his arms around me and said, "I'm sorry for how I have been behaving and I love you Mommy, and I forgive you"

He is only 4 so my conversation was limited...but what was so wonderful was that as I had been crying out to God to change my four year old, He lovingly just showed me...I needed to change...I had been disciplining out of selfishness and not with godly motives of pointing my son's heart towards Jesus. Our purpose in parenting is so clear as we read God's word, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up." Deut. 6:5-7


I just felt flooded with forgiveness and understanding. The Lord kept bringing to my mind His words in Matthew 7:11, "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"
My sinfulness was so evident today in how I had been dealing with my sons' behavior..I had failed miserably to just stop and sit before the Lord and ask Him to direct my heart to honor Him in parenting...and He in His perfect kindness and tolerance and patience...just lovingly brought me back to His word, and has led me to repentance and renewed a right spirit within me. I'm completely humbled by God's pursuit of our hearts, and how He even pursues us through the children He has given us. I praise the Lord for how He has taught me many things over the past five years since becoming a mother, and so many of those things are about how incredibly perfect my heavenly Father is. My desire it that one day..I'll be able to enjoy my children growing closer to the Lord through their parenting. Sometimes we think the blessing of having children is their laughter, or their angelic profiles as they sleep...or cheering them on at sporting events...I know I fail to stop and just praise the Lord for how He reveals Himself to me in so many precious ways...through this journey of parenting. I want to be mindful of the Lord's kindness to me, and not take lightly how He loves me and pursues me, when really I am so unlovable...and yet He does it all because of Christ. It is the most amazing and humbling thought to dwell on the sacrifice of Christ for us. As I know myself and see myself...I am so incredibly unworthy. Oh, I'd encourage you dear sister to dwell on the richness of the Lord's kindness...dwell on the sacrifice of the cross...do that by dwelling on His perfect word. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" John 1:1

I would truly covet your prayers that I would parent to His glory...to raise three boys to be warriors for Christ, and submit to His direction for each day with these precious children! And let's all pray, as sisters in Christ, pray for each other to have the discipline to be in God's word so that we can then turn around and faithfully obey the commands of Deuteronomy to teach our children His word all day.

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:9