Studying through Romans I've just been completely captivated by this "Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" Romans 2:4 (NAS). For awhile now, I feel like I've been going through a season of repentance. It's almost as if every day as I read through the pages of God's word He has been confronting me with my own sinfulness. That may sound depressing, but really it's been so freeing, because "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6 I am so thankful that God does not leave me alone.

This past week it just seems I am struggling more and more with my oldest son...with his outright disrespect and defiance. This morning, no sooner than 45 minutes into our day together, he starts his "routine" fit. I responded with our typical steps of disciplining...and it wasn't getting through to him..so I carried him to his room and told him it'd be best for our whole family if he would sit there till he calmed down. Upset, frustrated and seriously just at a loss, I went to my room to pray..I was just so overwhelmed with him and his behavior. I begged God for change in my son (isn't that how we are too often?) and for wisdom...and then headed back into his room. I just looked at his sweet face and completely broke down in tears, I told him how sorry I was for not disciplining him with the right heart and for the right reasons. And this sweet precious 4 year old got down from his bed and wrapped his arms around me and said, "I'm sorry for how I have been behaving and I love you Mommy, and I forgive you"

He is only 4 so my conversation was limited...but what was so wonderful was that as I had been crying out to God to change my four year old, He lovingly just showed me...I needed to change...I had been disciplining out of selfishness and not with godly motives of pointing my son's heart towards Jesus. Our purpose in parenting is so clear as we read God's word, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up." Deut. 6:5-7


I just felt flooded with forgiveness and understanding. The Lord kept bringing to my mind His words in Matthew 7:11, "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"
My sinfulness was so evident today in how I had been dealing with my sons' behavior..I had failed miserably to just stop and sit before the Lord and ask Him to direct my heart to honor Him in parenting...and He in His perfect kindness and tolerance and patience...just lovingly brought me back to His word, and has led me to repentance and renewed a right spirit within me. I'm completely humbled by God's pursuit of our hearts, and how He even pursues us through the children He has given us. I praise the Lord for how He has taught me many things over the past five years since becoming a mother, and so many of those things are about how incredibly perfect my heavenly Father is. My desire it that one day..I'll be able to enjoy my children growing closer to the Lord through their parenting. Sometimes we think the blessing of having children is their laughter, or their angelic profiles as they sleep...or cheering them on at sporting events...I know I fail to stop and just praise the Lord for how He reveals Himself to me in so many precious ways...through this journey of parenting. I want to be mindful of the Lord's kindness to me, and not take lightly how He loves me and pursues me, when really I am so unlovable...and yet He does it all because of Christ. It is the most amazing and humbling thought to dwell on the sacrifice of Christ for us. As I know myself and see myself...I am so incredibly unworthy. Oh, I'd encourage you dear sister to dwell on the richness of the Lord's kindness...dwell on the sacrifice of the cross...do that by dwelling on His perfect word. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" John 1:1

I would truly covet your prayers that I would parent to His glory...to raise three boys to be warriors for Christ, and submit to His direction for each day with these precious children! And let's all pray, as sisters in Christ, pray for each other to have the discipline to be in God's word so that we can then turn around and faithfully obey the commands of Deuteronomy to teach our children His word all day.

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:9