While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I've "watched" myself the last month as my husband and I have waited on the Lord for a very specific answer, I've wavered, I've failed, I've thrived and I've encouraged. I've been then man in the gospel of Mark, "I do believe; help my unbelief." Mark 9:24b I've wept before the Lord asking for forgiveness and strength to simply trust and obey...and it's been hard. See this waiting over the last month, has actually been a culmination of prayers for my husband that began over four years ago. I think when you pray for something over a period of years you start at some point to grow weary. Which is ridiculous when you look to the Word and see Who our God is! So as I wavered through such a variety of emotions from peace to nervousness, from confusion to brokenness, I wondered what does the Lord think of my ups and downs. I was and am that man, I do believe, LORD HELP my unbelief. I believe God is Sovereign and I believe even if I pray for something and I want a yes, and God gives me a no, His answer is always best, His will is always perfect and His timing is always timeless! He is God and I am NOT! I am thankful that knowing and trusting in God means that my hope and my future is secure, my circumstances here on earth will change, and I will walk through valleys and hike mountain tops, but the certainty I have in my life is solely because of Christ's accomplishment on Calvary and the more I know myself..the more thankful I am because I know the depths of my sin, and it was for my sin that He stayed on the cross! Our God is amazing.
As I was going through the ranges of emotions, ladies I have to boast in the Lord, He was SO good to me. Bringing scripture to my mind almost constantly. Jeremiah 29:11, "plans to give you a hope and a future." The precious words from 1 Peter 5:7, "Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." And as I would pray to the Lord, the sweet words of our brother Daniel, I cried out to God, "O my God, incline Your ear and hear! Open Your eyes and see our desolations and the city which is called by Your name; for we are not presenting our supplications before You on account of any merits of our own, but on account of Your great compassion. "O Lord, hear! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, listen and take action! For Your own sake, O my God, do not delay, because Your city and Your people are called by Your name." Daniel 9:18-19
The Lord in His graciousness even brought me to some amazing new verses, He is so good! I fell in love with this verse from Psalm 138:8, "The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands." It was just time after time of assurance that whatever answer God had my for my husband and I and our family, the answer would be completely perfect, and I had to rest in that. I have been enveloped by God's kindness, graciousness, goodness and love. It, has been steady and firm. God Himself never changes...and I've been humbled to the point of complete brokenness before Him as I've seen how incredibly disgusting I am as a sinner. I waver, I change, I sin, I go from praises to despair. What I am seeing more and more clearly daily is the reality of Romans 3:10 in my life, "as it is written, "THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE"
I think sometimes as Christians we get away from an "Attitude of Gratitude" as one of my past Sunday school teachers once said. I want to run the race and finish strong...more importantly in my every day life I long to savor the moments, and live in them living them out in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (Phil. 1:27). I want to behave and live in a manner that shows people my citizenship is in heaven (Phil 3:20). But I can not do that, only God in me can, by the power of the Holy Spirit! I am so grateful for His sacrifice and so thankful that the God of all the universe uplifts me when I fail, and forgives me. I'm so thankful that as I've been nervous or anxious lately..or struggled with my thoughts, entertaining the "what ifs" that God in His abundant mercy has consistently brought His word to my mind. Ladies, I want to encourage you to embrace your identity, and it's so simple:
"See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and {such} we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1
Hold fast to the word of God DIVE into it daily, seriously look into investing into a smaller sized bible so you can always carry one with you, and savor the 10 minutes you have in the car line as a gift from God to have extra time in His word with Him!
Ladies I have to testify to the Lord, He has put His word in my heart and He has brought it to my remembrance as I desperately needed it. "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you." John 14:26 The Lord has done this in my heart so incredibly over the course of this "waiting" I'm more in love with Him today because of the waiting. Was the waiting easy? Well, looking back yeah relatively...but going through it no, at times it was very hard.
Funny thing is, as I started this blog, we had not yet heard an answer...I was still waiting...and now...at the close of this entry, God has spoken, He has shown us His answer. I'm praising Him for it, trusting Him for the outcome. The answer given us ensures that the next few years will be filled with ups and downs and a fervency in prayer that will draw our family closer to Him. I'm thankful for it all. God is good and His will is perfect! I am just so very grateful that the Lord Himself allows me to know Him, and to know that every single little detail rests in His hand and Christ is at the throne as my advocate praying for me (1 John 2:1), for all His children...Christ is sustaining me!
Ladies, as you wait on Him, try to rest in Him, if you find yourself anxious...draw on His word, pray it back to Him, lay it down at His feet. Moment by moment. I think that God desires our hearts above all, even if that means a constant surrender moment by moment to His will.
* all Scripture is from the New American Standard
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