It has really hit me, like a ton of bricks lately. We are aging. Not just our kids, my mom friends and I always say, "they grow so fast try and enjoy every season." But guess what's happening while they grow up so fast?
We are too! Almost faster than they do, at least from outward appearances it seems.
As I cut my husband's hair, and revealed even more gray, inwardly I was an emotional wreck. You know, that gray hair (and my white hair), have been earned. We haven't always had the easiest of times in our marriage...and in our short eleven years we've moved seven times, bought four houses, had three kids and my husband has changed careers once. We've served the Lord in seven different churches and have three kids. The three kids came within the first 5 years of our marriage.
That can be overwhelming to read, but it makes me incredibly thankful.
July 20, 2002 as I walked down the aisle at Westside Church and said "I do." I didn't even realize what I really meant. I thought I was marrying this perfect, amazing, Jesus loving man who would never disappoint.
Just for fun, this is our engagement picture from 2001.
Guess what? I married a sinner. He loves Jesus, and Jesus' grace covers him, just as it does me. But when you put two sinners in close proximity for a prolonged period of time...guess what inevitably works it way out? Sin.
Through the first few years of our marriage, God spoke a word to me. When I said, "I do."
What I really said was,
"God I do trust You to hold our marriage together."
"God I do commit this marriage to You."
"God I will choose to obey what your word says about marriage, not because of my spouse, but because of You.
See, I come from a 'broken' home. While I realize that broken is so much more than parents being divorced....I believed in my heart even before Christ saved me, that marriage could work.
Dear friend, marriage is really about our commitment to our Lord. Please do not misunderstand or misinterpret what I am saying. There are certainly reasons that call for separation (be it abuse or marital unfaithfulness), but overall...God is for marriage.
When I made that commitment to my spouse all those years ago, what the Lord has shown me, is my commitment isn't really to my spouse...it's to my Lord, my spouse is just the beneficiary. He receives all the benefits of my desire to obey God in my marriage. That's all.
So, as I cut my husband's, I was reminded of God's grace...eleven years. He has kept us together, it hasn't always been sunshine and roses....but it certainly has not been all bad either. My husband is iron to me. He sharpens me, he isn't some super spiritual man who is a "super saint." He's just a regular redeemed sinner, living in the abundant grace of our Savior, trying to obey God in our marriage and our family as best he knows how.
It goes fast. We grow up fast. Like I said, I see the evidence of my kids growing, in fact my 9 year old is almost as tall as me, and wears the same size shoe I do. It's insane. My "baby" is 5! He reads, he writes, he adds and subtracts!
Wherever did it go? I saw my sweet husband playing catch with five boys when I came home the other evening from work. We only have three. He is a good man. He wants to show these boys what a real man is. Someone who loves Christ and makes Him known.
It blesses my heart immensely that God is a loving and patient God who just as he uses out children to teach us of His love and grace, uses our spouses to refine us as well.
While we are certainly growing older, it's amazing to watch the Lord grow love in my heart for my spouse.
I love these verses, and I pray these encourage you:
"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth" Proverbs 5:8
and
"The Lord grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” Ruth 1:9
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