This morning I came home from the dentist with a different agenda for our day. I knew we needed a change of pace after the first two days of this particular week.
Monday was a devastating day, and Tuesday wasn't much better. On Monday I caught my nine year old in a lie. I didn't even know what to think. I mean honestly it was earth shattering to me. Okay, grant me grace here friend. I did not grow up in a Christian home, and somewhere in my mind I had romanticized the Christian home to contain perfectly behaved, obedient children who are always loving. While those characteristics are good and in a godly way should be cultivated. I was failing so desperately to recognize the obvious truth: my children are clothed in sinful flesh. They battle it just as I do....they just don't have as much sinful 'baggage' as I do.
I was not recognizing that, even in their youth, and no matter how 'ideal' of a childhood we try to create for them, they are still sinners. Which means they will sin.
We saturate them in the word, planting gems of truth throughout the everyday moments of their lives.
Wouldn't you know, the Lord has me reading a wonderful book and the chapter I just began Monday evening is about the importance of Christian Community. The author brings up a wonderful point that he draws out of Hebrews 10:19-31. "The central lesson of this passage is that we need one another daily....It is a call to community that is intentionally intrusive, Christ-Centered, grace-driven and redemptive." Paul Tripp
The more I read the more the soft, firm voice of the Lord spoke healing to my heart. Friends, I was angry. I was outraged. I trusted my son to be honest and to make wise decisions. Monday and Tuesday were difficult days. Tension ruled our home. It wasn't fun.
Then, this morning in the quietness of our basement on my morning run, I began mulling over my sin. My anger, my frustration. My judgment. My unmet and unrealistic expectations.
I'm the adult and yet, I let my emotions get the best of me. I did not walk away and ask God for grace and mercy to handle the situation. I immediately began exposing his sin according to the Word. I wasn't crazy about it, but I was not nice either.
Anyway you look at it, or whatever words I could choose, bottom line...in my anger...I sinned.
And it's all level ground at the Cross.
My anger. Joseph's lie. It all took the blood of Calvary to be forgiven.
This morning the Lord spoke to me about our homeschool. We, our family, are a community. A small little five person community. We are absolutely blessed that three of us have trusted in Christ, so we have that hope that He will guide us with His Holy Spirit.
But Grace. A grace driven relationship (that of parent and child) allows us "to motivate and encourage one another to do what is right. We minister to one another knowing that while the law is able to reveal sin, only grace can deliver from it!" Paul Tripp
Then Redemption. "Redemptive relationships means we recognize change is a process, not a quick leap to sinless perfection. We have been redeemed, we are being redeemed, and we will be redeemed." Paul Tripp
Truth Revealed. God's word, living and active in the hearts and lives of His people.
The Lord showed me, I was freely receiving God's grace to cover my sin, and yet not expecting my children to need it for theirs. In my overly romanticized Christian Home, it's as if there were no room for grace. They wouldn't need it, because they know what sin is, so they won't sin.
But God.
He is gracious and merciful and He redeems!
I want to be a mother who leads my children with redemptive purpose. I want to take the bad, the unpleasant, the sins that so easily entangle us and show my children how to run to Jesus and exchange it all for the truth found in His word.
So this morning, I went to my boys and confessed the anger of my heart to them and my sin and asked for forgiveness. It's a humbling moment to ask forgiveness from a young child. But they need to know Mommy isn't perfect....otherwise they will grow up believing someday they will 'arrive' at perfection. And they won't. Neither will I. I don't want to set my kids up for spiritual failure, they (and I) can do that all on their own.
We are limited by our sinful flesh, but set free by a limitless God who pours out grace and mercy beyond any feeble comprehension.
So what did 'hump' day look like at our house? Well, as the grace of God's forgiveness flooded my heart, I knew I needed to be a conduit today. So, we did the bare minimum school and hit the local apple farm. Sometimes you just have to get away, and quietly meditate on the marvelous grace of our God and enjoy these three amazing blessings that God has entrusted to our care while on the earth, with our absolute top priority to be raising boys into men who love Jesus and serve others.
As I watched them sift through the mud and pull out those gems, I was convicted to pray that the Lord would bring growth..."I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow." 1 Cor. 3:6
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