Lately I've been meeting a lot of new people and at the same time having the privilege to get a better sense of the "friends" I already have. I use that term so loosely because I'm on facebook, and on there I've got like almost 200 friends. Crazy isn't it. Because while I've got all these friends there are very few people I can count on when I actually need something. I think the biggest blessing in my life has completely been my mother in law. I mean I can count on her. She is amazing, she's not a spring chicken, but when she says something she follows through. To me, I think there are few qualities that are of much more worth than being dependable. At any rate...I've been pondering life a lot lately and questioning why I am trying to make new friends. I've come to this conclusion, it's tough being a mom alone. I think that sometimes as Christian women we need to support of another believer, especially one that has been there, or is there to help us focus through the mountains of laundry and the monotony of every day life. Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning wheels. Because as I've attempted to make friends, and when I say I go out and try to make friends I'm talking about within the "walls" of the church. I've run into a society so trapped by gossip it's disgusting. I've been around ladies and when one leaves the others are commenting on her, which ensures me that when I leave they are commenting about me. (maybe I'm giving myself too much credit..) Or the other scenario is a group of us will get together, and whoever is NOT there is the one to be discussed. SERIOUSLY. I'm not perfect and I don't sit here at my keyboard scolding the world, or suggesting that I am without fault in ever talking about people, but by the incredible grace of God I have consistently been open and honest with people so that I do not engage in gossip.
Heed this word, "A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends." Proverbs 16:28 in the Hebrew the word slanderer means a backbiter, to murmur. Would you say what you said behind the persons back to their face? If the answer is No, here's a novel idea. Shut your mouth. Don't allow it to come out! Just stop it. Pray and BEG God, that you would be a woman with a controlled tongue and not one given to gossip. Listen, if you don't know where to start, that's fine....God does...pray this: "Set a guard O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3. This is a sweet verse the Lord showed me very very early on in my walk with Him, and He led me to cry out to Him to do this in me, because as an unbeliever I had seriously gossiped and slandered the lives of several "friends" throughout my life. I'm not saying I went around spreading gossip, because I've actually never done that, and I never would call a friend with the intent of talking about others, but rather I would join in when others would gossip, or offer my "two cents" as if it mattered. I was foolish, I was unwise, I wasn't relying on the Holy Spirit to lead my conversations and allow me to honor Him in my friendships. Ladies...seriously it does NOT honor God to be a gossip. And it does honor God to lovingly suggest to your friends to redirect or curtail your conversation if need be.
I've heard this quote, "the best way to make friends is to be one" I have no idea who said it, but it makes sense. One of my favorite verses on friendship is "A friend loves at all times" Proverbs 17:17. Is it loving to talk about people behind their back? Is it loving to judge people with your gossip? Because if we were to get to the root of gossip, isn't it mostly our personal opinion about someone often followed by "well bless her heart" passing judgment on them so as to make them look bad and possibly even to make ourselves look better? We've got to get over caring what others think of us and be consumed with how the Lord views us. As joint heirs with Christ. Ladies...this is our calling, this is our passion...to live for Jesus in an ungodly world that we may point others to Him, and draw our lost loved ones to Him. Ladies, seriously God Himself calls us "fellow heirs with Christ" Romans 8:17
Let's beg God to honor Him in our friendships, our marriages and our familial relationships so as not to gossip, but instead let's do something radical, and be doers of the word and not mere hearers so as to delude ourselves (James 1:22) but let's live this out, "Therefore laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another." Eph. 4:25
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