So we are in the midst of a lot of changes in our home. My husband after years of prayer and lots of searching has taken a new job in a new field. He was in his previous field for 9 years, so this change wasn't flippant. We prayed together for this for at least the last four years, that I can recall. So needless to say the way all the details worked out we sincerely believed that the Lord was leading us this way.
I say "was" because he is in the second week of training and it's seriously difficult. He has exams and quizzes all the time, and he's essentially got 6 weeks to learn the material so he can take his licensing exams. He didn't start off with fantastic marks, which welcomed the doubt right into our hearts. Why is that? Why is it that we felt so confident that this career change was the Lord's will and then one discouraging incident causes us to doubt? Well, first and foremost because we are sinners, and we are confined by the sinful flesh, although set free in Christ, we all too often do not die to our flesh and allow sin to work in our members (much to our dismay).... and then also because my husband and I believe wholeheartedly in the absolute Sovereignty of God. That means without question the Lord will accomplish His will on earth as He determines it.
People keep asking us, "what is Plan B?" Well, after two weeks into this transition, God has shown Himself to us so mercifully it brings tears to my eyes to know and experience a God who is so merciful and tender with me because I know the depths of me and I am disgusting. I know my heart, and it's sinful.
See all along we thought this career path was Plan A, failing to live out, "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21. With the anxiety of not doing as well as we thought and the position of the employer being that if he does not pass the test, he will be terminated. We know that if he does not pass the test, we are in for some crazy time. But here's the thing....God is PLAN A! This career path is not plan A, and if the Lord has led us this way, and He chooses for my husband to not pass his exams, then that is the Lord's best for us, and we will take it in faith! Plan B, is our plan....for my husband to give it his all, for us to be crying out to God on our faces before Him, asking Him to keep us both from an evil unbelieving heart. A few days ago the Lord led me to begin soaking through Hebrews for awhile during my quiet time, and I have been so humbled, so encouraged and felt so loved by the power of His word.
"Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is {still} called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." Hebrews 3:12-13
So, do I want my husband to succeed and pass his exams? Well absolutely, and I want him to do this job, because I know he is passionate about many areas of it, and I know my spouse and I know this is something the Lord has gifted him to do. I believe that the Lord has led us into this, and I know that "Faithful is He who calls you, He will also bring it to pass." 1 Thes. 5:24
But God n His infinite mercy has shown me how I have fallen so greatly with an evil unbelieving heart and failed to continue to encourage my husband, my brother in Christ, daily...as long as it is called today. I am his wife, but before that I am his sister in Christ, and I must spur him onward towards holiness, and how can I do that being Nellie Negative? It's impossible, and contrary to God's word! Now I am NOT talking about any kind of positive thinking or prosperity gospel here. I am plainly saying God is showing me in His word that I am to "take captive my thoughts to the obedience of Christ," (2 cor 10:5) and "whatsoever is true, think on such things" (Phil 4:8-9) to guard my heart constantly in the Word of Christ so that as long as it is "Today" I will encourage my husband while he continues to put in the time and effort to do the very best he can, and with God's help honor the Lord in his studies...and Lord willing pass these exams. God can do anything. I believe that with all my heart, I have seen amazing things in my short life. I believe with all my heart that we will in time see God's perfect plan for this transition in our lives, and I am certain the Lord is far more concerned with my spiritual position than any other I could ever "hold."
I am however, until exam day, fervently crying out to God to give my husband the grace to pass these exams. I am choosing to believe no matter the outcome that God's will IS perfect, will be accomplished, and is the absolute best for me. I am choosing to worship and serve Him while I am waiting on Him, that His name is magnified in this life!
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