"Because Thy lovingkindness is better than life"

so this morning I awaken to a quiet house, well my little one was stirring but he went back down, and I snuck downstairs to spend some time in the word. I finished my annual Bible reading plan early so I could chose anything I wanted to read today, it was so neat how the Lord led me to the Psalms. First I read "Arise cry aloud in the night, watches; pour out your heart like water before the LORD." Lam. 2:19 I LOVE this because I just went to the Dr. yesterday to have some thing checked out, and as I Read this scripture this morning, that's what I felt like I had been doing the last few weeks, just pouring out my heart, spilling it forth (in the original Hebrew) at the feet of mercy. You see, it's easy to say, yes I'm ready to go should the LORD call me home....because of His all sufficient grace I know that I would be in heaven with Him...and yet there exists this place within my heart, where I just want to be a wife and mommy, and one day a Granny. So earthly really, and yet it seems to be all I do for now. I love my husband and kids, and even though it's a daily challenge I just know in my heart this is what I was created to do. Over the last few weeks as I've been pondering these health issues, my mind has wondered, when a modern bible teacher said, "the primary battlefield is the mind" boy did she peg that one! Your mind wonders with all the "what ifs" and "whys" and as I mentally circled around well what if this is something terminal and I'm "done" I just came to a place of resting in God, you know He knows best, and it'll be tougher for my family than for me. I love the Psalms, always have,and as I was studying in Lamentations this morning, I ended up in Psalms because that phrase "pour out" is also used in Psalms (well also in 1 Sam 1:15, with Hannah, Psalm 42:4) but Psalm 62:8 really spoke to my heart, "Trust in Him at all times O people pour out your heart before Him; God is refuge for us." I feel like lately as I awaken I've been praying and laying my life at the Lord's feet, just meditating on Him and begging Him for a work in the hearts of my family. I want my spouse to passionately seek God, and I want my children to rest in Jesus as Savour. I'm amazed by the questions and spiritual truths that come from my 4 year olds' mouth at times, but I'm grateful because I know the Lord is already doing a work in him that He will complete.

I kept reading through Psalm 62 and of course, ended in Psalm 63, but couldn't stop there, because the news from the doctor yesterday was pretty much good, nothing terminal, nothing that can't be "fixed" Praise be to God, He alone heals! I'm so thankful for that,so as I read in Psalm 63, I just felt like David was speaking my heart..."O God, Thou are my God, I shall seek The earnestly, my soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh yearns for Thee, in a dry and weary land where there is no water, thus I have beheld Thee in the sanctuary, to see Thy power and Thy glory because Thy lovingkindness is better than life." Psalm 63:1-3 This is exactly how I feel lately, I'm looking around at our "world" and it's dry, I'm seeing horrible things happen in and out of the church, I desperately long to see loved ones call upon Jesus, and God in His infinite wisdom and amazing grace whispers to my soul, my lovingkindness is better than life, and my compassion indeed never fails. Sometimes as I pray I just go...I don't say "Amen" because I'm not done, and my prayer seems to just continue throughout the day...as I see people, friends, strangers...or just as the Lord brings people to my mind, I just cry out to Him for His grace in their lives, in my life...I beg God for His transforming power in this world. We so desperately need Him. Let me encourage you, sometimes just don't say Amen...let your prayer be a constant prayer all day, being led by God to pray as He desires...and then as you come before Him at the close of the day....just cry out in Jesus name...He hears our prayers, and His lovingkindness is better than life.