it's pretty quiet in my house besides the hum of the goodman unit outside that heats our house and the buzz of the computer I hear nothing....it's the latest I've stayed up in a good 6 months, and I just keep pondering things in my mind. See I've got a lot of uncertainties right now. Some health issues I've got to get checked out, and to be honest I've always been a bit of a pessimist with my health, I don't know why...I suppose my upbringing, and also I'm very aware that God is the One who is in control, and that our health and the air we breathe is a gift of His abundant grace. Ever since the Lord has allowed me to be a mother, I've also wanted to be a grandmother...really though that desire began as a young girl...see my Grams was everything to me....she was amazing, and she lived to be 88, what an incredible blessing. She taught me about love...she lived love. She was great, and I miss her, and one day, Lord willing I want to be that "grams" to my sons' children....oh...what a blessing.
Okay, but back to my pondering...I keep going in circles in my mind...do you ever do that? It's like I think through an issue to the "end" and then re-think and re-think and re-think some more...and at some point God in His infinite wisdom leads me through His word and comforts my soul. Primarily Proverbs 19:21 has been going through my heart a LOT lately..."many are the plans of a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" but then as I've allowed my mind to think the worst, and accept it...I've found comfort in thinking I know what God's plan for my life is...then tonight as I was riding home, the Lord brought me to the all too familiar passage in Jeremiah. I think we allow His word to become to "common" for our lives sometimes...we say.."I know that" ....so I know...what now? REND MY HEART....LIVE IT! So I'm just holding onto the Lord right now, I'm clinging to His word, "For I KNOW the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future, plans to prosper you and not to harm you" Jeremiah 29:11. So that means, whatever lies ahead..God knows....and it will be giving me a hope and a future. I'm just going to lay it down, try daily to stop fretting...and give it to God, I'm fervently calling out to Him for His mercy and His healing in my life.
I love my kids and I love my husband, and I love my family, but what I'm learning lately...is how am I showing those I love that I love my Lord? If you read this...I'd ask..please be in prayer for me...as I do pursue some answers to the health concerns I've got, and for my family...just that we would prioritize Christ as Head of our home...over ourselves...and that our children would see Jesus and His glory in our lives.
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