Crying out for Mercy!!

"The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.'" Luke 18:11-12

I did something this week that I honestly can say I told myself I would never do. I became the Pharisee in Luke 18, as above. I made an outright comparison between my children and other children, to them. Does that make sense? Here's the gist of it, my kids were with some of their friends, and their friends were for the most part behaving, and I asked my oldest in the midst of his disobedience, if he noticed if his friends were disobeying or obeying? I then suggested he follow their lead and obey.

You might think I'm crazy to be confessing this, or you may think it's not that bad to point out to your children how others are behaving appropriately in an effort to influence them to behave in a manner that honors the Lord. Here's the deal with me, I am the sinner in Luke 18:13, I am the "tax collector," "the gentile," the "Samaritan women." When I say I am the worst of the worst, ladies I kid you not. The Lord in His infinite grace reached deep to save the wretch that I am. I am forever grateful for His saving grace and the depths of His reach!!!

But our Precious Lord, in the moments following my sons' meltdown and my horribly judgmental words, allowed something almost comical to occur. As I had just been correcting my son, I was then moments later put in the position to correct the other child for willful disobedience. By the grace of God He allowed me to handle things with love and self-control. But then throughout the night and day today, the Lord has been speaking to me of my comment to my son. What am I teaching him by setting his behavioral standard against another sinful child? I am teaching him to look to others, that he thinks "have it together" and then judge himself. WHAT am I doing?

I tell you, I am repentant of this because I do not want my son to struggle with being judgmental the way I do, and I wasn't even raised in a judgmental subculture. It's just human (sinful) nature to be that way...and it's a battle to lay down our own pride and just fall at the feet of Jesus. I have been studying throughout the day about us (sinners). And as I've been in the word, I've felt the peace of Christ surround my heart with His word. And God in His grace keeps bringing me back to this,


as it is written, "THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE; THERE IS NONE WHO UNDERSTANDS, THERE IS NONE WHO SEEKS FOR GOD; ALL HAVE TURNED ASIDE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BECOME USELESS; THERE IS NONE WHO DOES GOOD, THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE." "THEIR THROAT IS AN OPEN GRAVE, WITH THEIR TONGUES THEY KEEP DECEIVING," "THE POISON OF ASPS IS UNDER THEIR LIPS"; "WHOSE MOUTH IS FULL OF CURSING AND BITTERNESS"; "THEIR FEET ARE SWIFT TO SHED BLOOD, DESTRUCTION AND MISERY ARE IN THEIR PATHS, AND THE PATH OF PEACE THEY HAVE NOT KNOWN." "THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD BEFORE THEIR EYES." Romans 3:10-18

I am doing my son this biggest disservice and failing miserable as a child of God if I am instilling in him the need to compare himself to other sinners. He then will grow into the pharisee of Luke 18:11-12, developing in his own deceitful heart a "scale" of sin and a standard of measure that has nothing to do with anything biblical but rather is nothing more than a man made tradition of finding distinction between people as a basis for justifying and judging others.

I LONG for my children to cry along with me before the Lord, "and the tax collector standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God be merciful to me, a sinner!" Luke 18:13 One day, Lord willing, these sweet three boys that the Lord has placed in this home will place their faith in Christ's sacrifice on Calvary for their sins. That day, as the Lord Himself, in the power of the Holy Spirit comes and indwells these boys...will be one of the sweetest days I've experienced. I long for that day, but...as lately I've been wondering when my oldest will get there (and at times not so patiently) I've been reminded with my own sinfulness and my own deceitful heart that...even as I grow daily, I am not "there" I have NOT by any means arrived to spiritual maturity, and will not until the day Christ calls me home. I am by all means the person described in Romans 3, however I would love to look at the horrible description and say it is not me, it is. Sisters...it is all of us. Everything we have, are and ever will be rests solely in the hands of the Almighty. It is all because of His grace!


How thankful I am for the kindness of our Lord that not only leads us to repentance, but restores to us the joy of His salvation!!!

May God richly bless you with HIMSELF as you seek Him in His word and through prayer...and thank you all who stop and pray for me, a sinner, saved by THE amazing Savior!!