Listening for the lovingkindness of the Lord

This morning, as I was reading through the Psalms the Lord grabbed a hold of my heart once again with His timely word. This morning it was almost unlikely..at least to me. A few days ago I celebrated my 31st birthday, so I have now been a believer in Christ for almost half my life. I was saved "later" at sixteen, and every day I am increasingly thankful...I think the more I get to know the Lord the more I realize the depth of what Calvary really meant. I see the depths of my depravity in new ways. The Lord reveals my sinful nature in even more areas than I thought could ever exist and therefor I am continually drawn to the foot of the cross. I feel like I've been out of the blogging world for quite sometime now, I actually think it's been about a month..which is fine. I've been dealing with some spiritual issues....and God in His grace has been teaching me through His word! I LOVE that about our Lord His kindness is something I don't think I will fully understand. So...this morning, the Lord spoke to me through this:

"Let me hear Thy lovingkindess in the morning; for I trust in Thee; teach me the way in which I should walk, for to Three I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8 NAS (emphasis mine)

God's word is so timely, lately I've been dragging myself out of bed, not because of physical exhaustion but because of mental exhaustion. The Lord in His magnificent kindness has taught me a lesson in waiting. Because I did not wait on the Lord in something, I've been reaping the consequences of exhaustion. I think I've been burning the candle at both ends. By God's grace, I have been in my usual pattern of waking up early in the morning before the boys do so I could spend time in the Word. Although it has seemed over the past few weeks not as fresh, and as though I'm not learning much, it's as if I'm reading it but not digesting it (I am the Bread of Life, God says). So I am spiritually starving in the midst of being in God's word. How on earth is that possible you might think? Well to be honest, it's my own sinfulness, the business I have allowed into my life and the inability to focus my mind myself. See I can do NOTHING of myself and must depend completely on Christ to give me the focus and tenacity to seek Him...what I do know is that as I've repented before the Lord for not waiting on Him, and been on my face before Him, begging for a steadfast spirit and an insatiable hunger for His word, and asking Him to please "Teach me great and unsearchable things I do not know" (Jer. 33:3) God renewed in my heart today an amazing understanding that resting in Him, preparing my mind,body and spirit before Him is imperative to being a teachable Christ follower. God has called me to three seriously significant roles in my life where failure is not an option....and by saying that I mean, I must by the Grace of God, seek Him to live in and through me by His Holy Spirit so that He lives to His glory and fulfills His calling in my life. First calling, follower of Christ, Second calling, wife, third calling mother. These three callings must be preeminent in my life and everything else I do above those three things must hinge on my dying to myself and submitting myself to Christ's position as Savior and LORD in my life.

I was reading Matthew Henry's commentary on this verse and I absolutely love his sentiments:

"He (the Psalmist) cannot but think that God has a kindness for him, that he has some kind things to say to him, some good words and comfortable words; but the present hurry of his affairs, and tumult of his spirits, drowned those pleasing whispers; and therefore he begs, "Lord, do not only speak kindly to me, but cause me to hear it, to hear joy and gladness,’’ Ps. 51:8. God speaks to us by his word and by his providence, and in both we should desire and endeavor to hear his lovingkindness (Ps. 107:43)"

This is exactly it! For me, at this point anyway, especially it was the "hurry of my affairs". See I was bleary eyed waking, reading through the Psalms and Proverbs, enjoying it of course because it is impossible not to delight in the Word, but at the same time I was tired...not fully focused and not growing as I should. I was merely reading not studying, praying but not earnestly. Seeking God but not asking Him to give me the grace to hunger for Him the way I was created to. The Lord has been good to me. He has shown me that where I failed to wait on Him, I over-committed myself, and therefore in almost an instant...lost so much over the course of three weeks, the most important thing I lost was not hearing the lovingkindness of the Lord in the morning. God has given me a habit of being in His word first thing. I do not feel as though my day has started unless I've feasted on His word. I know I can not parent, I can not love my spouse and I can not be the friend that the Lord calls me to be if I am not daily in His word, and for me first thing daily. I have always been a study-er (yes that may be a made up word!) and lately I have been failing to dig deeper into His word.

Sisters, it's not enough to have a reading plan and just read His word. We must apply it, me must fervently pray and ask God Himself to daily renew us and live within us for His greater glory. I think about David after his repentance of his sin with Bathsheba where he cries out to God, "renew within me a steadfast spirit" We must ask the Lord DAILY to give us a steadfast, or in the Hebrew..immovable, spirit. We must not be shaken, we must wait upon the Lord. We must rely on Him to clear out hearts and minds because only the Lord has the power to do that, we can not offer sacrifices nor can offer good deeds. Sisters, feast on the beautiful word of the Lord, "All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him." Is. 53:6 We are those sheep even though we are saved....our hearts are prone to wonder....sisters...we must continually...all the day...seek after the Lord. We must hear the Lovingkindness of the Lord, and put that before us....we must as Matthew Henry says, "both desire and endeavor to hear His word." I love his choice of words, desire and endeavor! What an adventure...seeking the Lord of all Creation...seeking the Savior of the World...THE Lamb of God!!

It is an adventure, and if we are to hear the Lord's lovingkindness, we must LISTEN. How will we listen if we allow the "hurry of our affairs and the tumult of our spirits" to drown out the whispers of our heavenly Father who longs for us to draw near to Him and to seek His heart! We must lay ourselves daily before the Lord and ask Him to use our lives to His glory, and we must of course WAIT!

Ladies, thank you for your prayers for my family and I and know I am continuing in prayer for you as well!!!