Deep Roots

This morning, in the mid- five o'clock hour I heard a lot of noise, doors opening and closing, lights coming on.  ugh!   My body immediately tensed up.  For three years, my husband worked over an hour away.  Which meant he left early each day, close to 5:00am.  It was tough on him.  It was tough on me, morning routine and everything that entailed was solo.  Every day.  I would literally wake up at 4:30am just to have some quiet time alone in my closet.

So, when I heard noises that early it brought back a flood of frustration.  Those years were very tough. We had three young boys, like 4, 2 and newborn.  All boys.   It was crazy, nonstop and seriously demanding emotionally, physically and spiritually.  Many, many mornings I would have my quiet time with a toddler on my lap.

I remember crying out to God, "Seriously Lord how early do I have to wake up just to be alone with you?!"

This morning, first I found my oldest, who has always been an early riser, and I heard him go potty and then go back to his room, turn his light on and start playing with Legos.  REALLY!?!?!?  So I opened the door and firmly reminded him that it was way too early to be awake and he needed sleep.  I went back to my room, to finish reading my book, only to hear my youngest stomping through the upstairs declaring he had peed the bed and was wet!

So, I changed sheets, gave a bath, redressed in jammies and put him back in the bed.  Then, curled up yet again with my book.

Mornings are not a problem for me.  I like them.  I enjoy the quietness of our home, I enjoy watching the life spring up each day as the sunlight filters through our windows.  I need that alone time.

So, when my routine was interrupted instead of just extending grace and trusting the Lord to give me the time I needed to finish reading, I just wallowed in my sinful frustration a bit.

You may think I'm nuts or being hard on myself, that it's totally normal to get frustrated with your kids, which it is.   And they absolutely require more sleep than adults and at any minute of the 5 AM hour they should most definitely be sleeping...there is so much more at stake here than them being awake too early.

While all of their needs are legitimate...my 'need' for alone time is mostly selfish.

Bottom line.

I love quiet time with the Lord first thing in the morning.  I just gives me a fresh perspective on my day.  It helps me order my thoughts, it reminds me of how greatly I need Him in each moment.  I am able to wake up free from the stresses of daily life.  I'm refreshed and ready to literally be still before the Lord.  I love that time.

Clearly, when I love that time, more than I love obeying the call of the Lord to love others (like my children) more than myself...something has gone awry.

That's awful.  But it's raw.  It's honest.  If you thought honestly about 'things' in your life...you'd find things you're tempted to love more than the Lord.

The verse we used for each one of our birth announcements for our sons  was "Behold children are a gift from the LORD."  Psalm 127:3

So if children are such a gift from the Lord, how then can they often be the biggest source of frustration for parents?

It's possible that children being a blessing and gift from God has everything to do with God alone using our children to reveal to us how deeply rooted our own sin nature is, and how vast our daily need for Christ really is.  

Just like the roots of a great tree...is the sin in our flesh.  David tells us in Psalms, we are born sinners.  We do not need to be taught to sin.  We got that.  We need to be rescued by grace.  Daily.  Hourly.  Every moment of every day.  We need to run to the Grace Giver, that our roots would be nourished with truth rather than with sin and death.
So this morning before school started and laundry was folded, once my oldest woke up the second time.  I had to ask for forgiveness and explain to him, that I am a sinner just like he is.  I need God's grace to cover me, to guide me, to correct me, to envelop me, and today while he as a child absolutely needed more sleep, I was, as a child of God not being obedient in preferring others over myself, and the harsh words I spoke to him were spoken out of the selfishness of my own sinful heart.

I physically saw the Lord's grace and truth transform my son's demeanor.  "Mom, I forgive you, and I will try to sleep longer, I get it."

Grace.  So amazing.  God, the Giver of all Grace, allowed me to speak grace and truth to my son, and it (the grace and truth) transformed his heart.

After all, it's quite possible, an early riser such as myself has given birth to a future (or current on most days) early riser.  Maybe he enjoys the mornings as I do.